What makes Women 
So “Unhappy”?

.

 

A vast amount of marital unhappiness … stems from unresolved pain (from past relationships) that is now affecting present day relationships: for both males and females. It is common to project past conflicts into present circumstances.

The deep pain of unresolved conflict, causes painful woundedness, and manifests as complex and complicated emotions.

When we see these eruptions we can go, one of two directions:

1) we can show up and take ownership, and responsibility for our emotions and how they may be harming our marriage relationship, or

2) we can choose not to show up, and deflect our responsibility for the negative emotions (and the negative mindset that caused them) and the negative behaviors they may promote. In other words we can just blame others for the problems–that’s no solution at all it just cause causes greater pain and suffering and spreads it farther and wider than it was before.

Taking responsibility goes much deeper than just saying, “I’m sorry,” — but not really meaning it.

Taking true responsibility means making changes, turning things around, renouncing past patterns. Learning new patterns. Exposing the lies we have hid behind for so long. And it is hard work. The results are worth it. But there are no shortcuts.

It is so much easier to just shame and blame our spouse for the negative emotions we are experiencing. 

Whichever route we take there is going to be pain and risk involved, but one road needs to freedom and life, the other road leads to bondage and death.

We already know what bondage and death feels like; and how it operates–tearing everyone down all around us, and tearing ourselves down in the process.

But now we have an opportunity to be totally transformed. To lift up everyone all around us, and in the process, we ourselves are lifted up higher than we could ever imagine.

That’s the offer on God’s table. It’s a whole hog take it or leave it proposition.

 

Which road looks more attractive to you?

 

 

 

 

 

Summary of “Daddy Issues: This Is Why Women Are So Unhappy?! | The Happy Wife School Show Ep.4”

1. Defining Women’s Unhappiness (03:55 – 05:09)
   • The speaker defines unhappiness not as an emotion or circumstance but as having an unhealthy relationship with oneself.
   • Indicators include self-criticism, feeling unworthy, seeking validation, and feeling empty despite achievements.
2. Rejecting the “Daddy Issues” Narrative (05:44 – 07:41)
   • The speaker argues that unhappiness is not caused by poor father relationships but by personal choices.
   • Therapy often reinforces a victim mentality by attributing low self-esteem to past relationships.
3. Two Camps: Victim vs. Choice-Based Thinking (07:41 – 09:36)
   • “Victim camp” believes past experiences determine present struggles.
   • “Choice camp” asserts that adults shape their own lives through decisions, enabling real change.
4. Emotional Intelligence as a Key to Happiness (12:50 – 15:03)
   • Women often struggle with low emotional intelligence, making them reactive and unable to manage emotions.
   • Emotional complexities feed the victim mentality.
   • As victims we Never change, therefore we blame others (our partners).
   • Unlike men, who are problem-solvers, women are often stuck in emotional cycles, affecting relationships.
5. Taking Responsibility and Changing Perspective (18:43 – 24:42)
   • Developing high emotional intelligence allows women to break out of negative emotional cycles.
   • The speaker shares her own journey of realizing she controlled her emotions and, consequently, her relationships.
6. Advice for Men on Sharing Content with Their Wives (35:01 – 42:40)
   • Men wonder how to share the speaker’s content without angering their wives.
   • A wife’s reaction to the content can reveal her openness to self-reflection and change.
7. How Men Can Navigate Relationships with Unwilling Partners (42:40 – 47:45)
   • The speaker outlines four possible outcomes when men assert themselves in relationships:
     1. The wife recognizes her behavior and changes.
     2. She reacts negatively but later adjusts.
     3. She refuses to change but the man learns to navigate it.
     4. The relationship ends.
   • Most men, due to commitments, stay in relationships and learn to manage their wives’ behaviors.
8. Conclusion: Rebuilding Self-Worth and Reality (47:45 – End)
   • Men should shift from feeling victimized to taking control of their emotional state.
   • Understanding their wives’ behavior patterns helps men establish boundaries and regain confidence.

 

The speaker emphasizes personal accountability, emotional intelligence, and shifting from a victim mindset to one of choice and empowerment.

 

 

 

Timestamps:

1. 0:00 Welcome
2. 2:00 Topic Introduction
3. 3:45 Why Women Are Unhappy
4. 34:26 How Men Can Share My Videos with Their Wives
5. 49:57 Questions and Comments

 

Granted, this is hard information to face. It’s a tough pill to swallow. It’s a tough look at the root causes of division in marriage, and own your share of them.

But when you have all the symptoms, you are experiencing all the identifying markers, chances are you have the disease.

 

And yes, the bitter pill may not taste good, it may be initially uncomfortable. But once it’s done, it’s work and the lies have been exposed, and the truth has been applied to the hopeless situation, then and only then, can true life be restored to the living cells in life of the body.

 

 

Title: “Daddy Issues: This Is Why Women Are So Unhappy?! | The Happy Wife School Show Ep.4”

Transcript:

“(00:04)  Hi everyone, welcome, and thank you so much for joining me today.

 

I’m excited for what I’m going to be talking about today, so thank you all so much for joining me.

It’s a beautiful Saturday here in Colorado. We (00:44) had a quite a gloomy rainy fall day yesterday but today it is clear and sunshiny and just beautiful oh thank you so much great sound so that lets me know we’re good to go so um let’s get started so I’m gonna um in case this is your first time joining a live stream with me uh what I like to do is I have a couple different topics that I want to talk about today and a couple different things I want to get into uh so how I do this is all all tal k and teach about one topic and then that might look through the chat and (01:22) just see if there’s any questions that would be helpful for me to answer sometimes I’ll be honest guys the the chat gets going and it can be challenging uh to read through it and it can be a little overwhelming and sometimes my my eyes don’t grab um the questions so uh but I’ll I will do my best in that and I’ll talk on I’ve got two segments today um and I will talk for about 15 minutes or so on each each segment j ust so you kind of know what to expect and the time frame of today’s live show so the first topic that I want to talk about (02:03) um is a question that I get uh often so both topics today are are common questions that I receive and the first question is why are women so unhappy why are we so unhappy and why do we have such unhealthy relationship with ourselves a woman commented on a video that I posted yesterday uh about my husband yells at me as he a narcissist and if you haven’t had a chance to watch that please please go watch that it’s an important video that I did and a woman commented on that asking this very question why are women (02:39) so unhappy um and and her thought was that she thinks it comes and stems from having an unhealthy relationship with our fathers um and and I want to address that so we’re going to talk about that and then another question that I get frequently in the comments in my videos and that I’ve actually gotten a stream of emails this week from Goodman wanting to know how do I share my videos how do I share my uh how do I share your content with my wife and oftentimes from a place of how do I share this with my wife without her getting angry and upset (03:17) and bashing me uh so we’re gonna dive into that and I’ve I’ve got I’m going to answer that question but also go a little bit deeper about what good men want to look for and and why sharing my content with your wives is a good test to see who you are married to and what you can expect and anticipate or not expect from your wife so that’s where we’re going today uh I’m excited and and let’s get started so the first place the first place I want to go and an answer is why are women so unhappy why do we have such unhealthy (03:55) relationships with ourselves and for the women watching how you can know that you are unhappy and how I Define being unhappy isn’t a Feeling it’s not the circumstances of your life being unhappy is having an unhealthy relationship with yourself and how we can know as women that we have an unhealthy relationship with ourselves and this is what I had to see for me is that we beat ourselves up we don’t feel like we’re enough we are highly highly critical of ourselves we often become who we believe we need to be to get the acceptance of (04:33) others to be liked and validated by others we feel a sense of emptiness in us that no matter what we do in life whether we get married we have kids we have a career that it’s never enough and we’re constantly searching for that next thing we often hit a point of of waking up one day and and thinking is is this it is this going to be my life we question who we are and feel like we don’t have a sense of self these are the benchmarks to know you have an unhealthy relationship with yourself and that’s the experience of (05:09) being unhappy it’s the very unhealthy relationship that we have with ourselves that then causes us to have an unhealthy relationship with our husband and causes us to have unhealth y relationships with the other people in our lives so the common thinking and this was my thinking too the common thinking is it’s daddy issues that it’s issues with our father and then we didn’t have a healthy relationship with our father so that’s the first place I want to go in this is that it is that the root cause of why women are so unhappy and have such an (05:44) unhealthy relationship with ourselves the short answer absolutely not and here’s here I want to set up just a little bit of fr amework for you because this is the perspective that I live in my life and that I teach my students and clients that I work with there’s two camps there’s two camps we can either live in a camp which is our modern day psychological framework and and what we hear in therapy which is that we are a victim of our circumstances that it’s our past our upbringing our relationship with our dad our (06:27) relationship with our mothers that causes us to be insecure uh have low self-esteem not be able to be confident in ourselves and navigate Life as a healthy adult I call that the camp of being a victim and that’s the camp that I lived in for a long time I went to therapy I’m 40 now um well I’ll be 40 in November I just I went ahead and made the leap I’m 40 now and um I went to in my late 20s uh in a year of my 30s when I was 30. (07:03) I went to therapy for about six or seven years in the story that got enforced and that I shared and told and bought into and then my therapist at well-intentio ned enabled that it was my relationship with my dad that I had such low self-esteem and that um I couldn’t navigate Life as a competent adult and that’s the camp that I lived in in for a long time I call that camp victim so so we can live there which Camp victim is believing that as women we have an unhealthy relationship with ourselves we have self-esteem issues and confidence issues because of our (07:41) relationship with our fathers or we can live in a different camp and this is the camp tha t I teach I am not a therapist I am a teacher and the camp that I teach is that as adults we are a product of our choices we are a product of our choices this is It’s the choices and decisions that we have made in our lives that create the very relationship that we have with ourselves and create the very life that we have and this is the camp that I was blessed to be introduced to by my mentor and it was life-changing it was a (08:21) profound Awakening moment because to recognize that I was a p roduct of my circumstances meant that I was in control and I had a choice to actually change and build a healthy relationship with myself and to change the issues and the problems in my marriage and in my life and in my other relationships and it was only from that perspective that I could change so you want to know in all of my videos today and everything we’re talking about that I live and teach this camp that we are a product of our choices which means we don’t need to (09:00) get into our pa st we don’t need to get into our upbringing we don’t need to get into the relationship that we have with our mother or our father it’s looking in the mirror at ourselves and what are the choices and decisions that we have made that have created the very life that we have and the Very the very relationship that we have with ourselves so that’s how I want to answer this question is from that camp not anything to do with our our past or our upbringing or a relationship that we have with our parents because there’s no solution here (09:36) as long as our unhealthy relationship is from an unhealthy relationship with our fathers or anyone else in our past or in our lives then we have no ability to change because we need the other person to change or our past to change or our circumstances to change for the experience of ourselves to change so there’s no solution over here so if it’s not our fathers if it’s not our daddy issues why as women do we have such unhealthy relationship with ourselve e that this works I haven’t done this yet on one of my lives but I’m going to go ahead and share my screen (10:52) and I want to share this picture because it explains it perfectly and this will set us up to really go into why are women so unhappy why do we have an unhealthy relationship with ourselves and this is it so on the left side it says a husband’s brain and it’s one track and then we look at this other picture and it says a wife’s brain and the tracks are going everywhere we can see lot g to stop my share I have something else to share here in a moment that we’ll get into to make this point even more but I want to talk about it just just a little bit more so as women buying into this belief that we (12:50) are highly emotional causes us to have low emotional intelligence in life meaning we are not in control of our emotional state whereas on the other hand men are wired to be pragmatic they’re wired to be problem solvers so they are in the best way simple and move into a soluti e we give our power away and we have no ability to change and we stay stuck in having low emotional intelligence what we don’t realize is that it isn’t the people and things in our lives that cause our experience it is the internal experience of ourselves our internal emotional state that creates the experience that we have of our different relationships like our (15:03) marriage our career our kids Etc that determines the lens and the perspective of which we see and view Our Lives and that caus y thing driving us to have an unhealthy relationship with ourselves because when we are not in control of our emotional state and we are living in low emotional intelligence we live from an internal state of being sped up emotional worried creating problems in our lives and living in blame which again from that place then we can never change so what happens is we watch ourselves make the same unhealthy choices have the same unhealthy reactions to life and we feel very bad about ourselves and (17 then we can have a happy marriage and a healthy happy loving relationship with our husbands (18:43) is that we have to learn to develop High emotional intelligence the ability to be in control of our emotional state to recognize that our emotional state is coming from us that it’s not happening to us because of our past or our relationship with our dad or from our husband or anything or anyone else in our lives that it is our response to life that creates our internal emotional state so we have ve from that perspective of being not in control of our internal emotional state and having low emotional intelligence it covers up the true nature of who we are as women so the beauty is that when we learn to (20:44) develop High emotional intelligence we unlock the true nature of who we are internally and what you will find and this is what I found for myself is that we are simple happy calm grounded genuinely flexible and easy going stable adaptive soft kind and we can live from what I call o much better about ourselves because we show ourselves that we are important to ourselves that we matter that we already have everything we need within ourselves to be successful and navigate life and that all comes from being in control of our emotional state I think it’s a really important point to make because (22:44) when I was going to therapy and when I was doing I was also a big spiritual Seeker so I did a lot of different woo-woo healing modalities and I was a yoga teacher and all those t came the driving force of having a high emotional intelligence is who do I want to be and how do I want to know myself and the more I began to build that in myself the more that that’s where I wanted to live from and my perspective and lens of my life and my marriage and all my relationships began to change dramatically and I began to see the reality of my husband as a good man and how thoughtful and caring and genuine he was I also began to see the reality of my (24:42) dad because when I was g ge relationship so it’s been a beautiful Journey for me as a woman (25:58) learning to be in control of my emotional state as a pathway to build High emotional intelligence and be happy to now see the reality of my dad and the good man that he is and have a healthy relationship with him and now I there was a point I was going to make the last track of so I went a different direction but it’s coming back now is that being in control of your emotional state is not about stuffing and avoiding it’s s and and and living very emotionally and what I want women to know is we have control over that and there’s another way the whole purpose for my channel is to (27:39) support and help women to evolve as women to evolve to learn to develop High emotional state so that you can have a completely different experience of yourself and finally really know who you are as a woman and to express yourself as a woman so and and and and before I go to the next State uh segment I’m going to end with a little othing simple with women there sure isn’t there sure isn’t oh my goodness and then this is great instead of going and then she hops up over the bar oh my goodness so that just wrapping up that uh topic oh isn’t that great just just like us so thank you so much I’m gonna take just a quick look um just to see if there’s anything oh my (29:41) goodness Lots going on in the in the chat oh and and by the way guys please take a second to like the video and subscribe to my channel if you haven’t alread stuck in my mental health issues from that perspective there was no solution and the way that well and so it wasn’t until I switched to a perspective and being presented with an option I think that’s that was the biggest gift to me is that I never knew there was an option I never knew there was any other option to view myself and who I was and how I experienced my life and then I got a different context to recognize as a grown-up adult that I am where I am in my life based on (31:49) my choices t it really wasn’t it was a it was a huge Awakening and a huge huge (33:06) breaking away uh from the trap that I had been on been in that I didn’t know there was another option so I understand that perspective and um feeling we need to deal with our past but I learned to deal with my past very differently by just looking at myself and and when did I know the difference between right and wrong for me and when was I responsible for my choices that then began to create my life in the very experien uestion like I said I got a few emails this week uh from from Goodman asking how do I share your videos with my wife um how do I introduce her to you I’m not quite sure uh how to do that so great question and here’s what I want (35:01) good men to know about this so for this segment I’m speaking to the men um it’s a good thing it’s a good thing to share my videos with your wife and to know there’s no certain way to do that there’s no way to soften it um or make it easier for your wife because th e reality of your wife that if she gets upset she gets triggered she blasts you then you can begin to and she doesn’t come around sometimes you might share and she might get upset she might get triggered but then she might come around she might come around and go wait a second because some women have a knowing within themselves oh if that can get me (37:06) so upset that might mean there’s some truth in here that I need to look at I’ve heard that from many women that I have worked with over the are choosing to stay with your wife knowing who she is that she’s not interested in changing she’s not interested in looking at herself what that allows you to begin to do is to begin to accept her more and to focus on the good things about her that you love and adore and to accept that she’s always going to want you to change but she’s not willing to look at herself and this is very common in the men that I work with and why it’s so important for good men (39:13) to begin to understand the rea ipulation that there is something wrong with you (40:38) so one of the first steps of regaining your strength is to be able to reconnect with yourself as a good man and begin to see through the web and the delusion that your wife has created in the relationship that you are the problem and so how you might present my videos is is to say I that I’ve been listening to this woman and and watching her videos and I I see a lot of and hear a lot of Truth of our relationship and what she’s talking abou pectrum as women because of how we’re wired and what I was talking about earlier we haven’t learned to develop High emotional intelligence we don’t feel good about ourselves we have an unhealthy (42:40) relationship with ourselves and then we project that onto you as our husbands that on a spectrum all women are masculating some very very emasculating some on the lower end some in the middle so I want you to understand you didn’t get the wrong woman and and over the years of working with good me to my videos or and she is open to looking at herself in this way and you you hit the jackpot and from that place I like to share with men and I teach this in my men’s relationship course that there’s one of four things that will happen as you begin to take your power back in a constructive way and you begin to rebuild yourself and you begin to learn (44:35) to not buy into your wife’s emasculation and manipulation one of four things can happen the first is your wife begins to realize that her g hat she’s a woman and you choose to learn to navigate the relationship knowing who she is and learn to use her emasculation as a gift to help you see the weaknesses within yourself that allows you to be a masculine and you learn to manage and navigate the relationship most good men that I work with fall into that fourth category and it’s because they may have children they have responsibilities and as good men you’re committed and you want to take responsibility for the commitment that you made ght even lessen because again a wife might realize oh my games and tricks are (47:45) going to work anymore but the key is after a good man realizes what’s happening in his relationship the key is to to not be a victim and to recognize I’m making a choice I I understand what’s happening now and I’m making the choice to be here so how do I navigate it and away from me where I can remain strong in myself feel good about myself and no longer buy into the emasculation and manipulation of my wife and nce so you want to go into it prepared but then just use it as a test as a way to begin to rebuild a new reality of the relationship and that’s again where you’re going to take your power back (49:41) and learn to use your wife’s emasculation as your greatest teacher to see the weaknesses in yourself that allows you to be emasculated by her and begin to rebuild your sense of strength so that those are those are the two topics today um I’m gonna take another another quick look just through the ch ry soon”