What 7 things does a man need?
—From his wife?
7 Things A Man Needs from His Wife
The Big Four are:
- Sex,
- Respect,
- Affection, and
- Appreciation
The Happy Wife School Ep. 34
Below is a YouTube Summary of this Message:
[Short 1 to under 4 minute clips have been inserted, to emphasize certain points.]
Celebrating Growth and Gratitude 00:01
“I am incredibly grateful to all of you and your support because without you, I wouldn’t be able to share my message.”
- The speaker expresses immense gratitude for reaching 100,000 subscribers on their YouTube channel, reflecting on how transformative the past year has been. They reminisce about their journey, stating that just a year ago, their channel merely served as a placeholder with only 14 subscribers.
- The speaker emphasizes that this milestone is not just a numbers game; rather, it signifies the opportunity to share valuable experiences and messages, connecting with an engaged audience. They feel blessed and honored to have received heartfelt feedback from viewers whose lives have positively changed thanks to their content.
The Importance of Fostering a Supportive Relationship 03:38
“Good men are very simple; they don’t need seven things or ten things from their wives.”
- The speaker introduces the main topic of the discussion: the seven things a man needs from his wife, emphasizing simplicity in men’s needs.
- They share insights from their own marriage and their work with couples, particularly women, highlighting the importance of women understanding and expressing their own identities and needs within the marriage.
- The speaker aims to provide women with the knowledge to foster healthy relationships through a deeper understanding of their husbands’ needs, ultimately contributing to a more harmonious partnership.
- Really, Men only really need one thing. Respect. Without giving the husband respect, everything else goes down the drain.
A Personal Journey Toward Growth and Understanding 04:24
“Being a wife is how we evolve as women; our husbands are the beneficiaries.”
- The speaker shares her personal journey in understanding her role as a wife and how it has allowed her to grow and evolve as a woman.
- They explain that marriage serves as a context for women to realize their worth and express their identities, allowing for personal happiness and self-discovery.
- The speaker stresses the importance of not solely focusing on the husband’s needs but rather recognizing and fulfilling one’s own needs as a foundation for a healthy relationship. This shift in perspective ultimately benefits both partners.
The Shift from Victimhood to Responsibility 10:11
“It was only when I moved into taking responsibility that things began to change.”
- The speaker recounts a significant turning point in their marriage when they shifted from a victim mentality to a more responsible approach by recognizing their personal contributions to the relationship’s challenges.
- This realization allowed them to stop blaming their husband for their unhappiness and instead focus on self-improvement, leading to positive changes in the marriage dynamic.
- The speaker highlights that true empowerment comes from acknowledging one’s role in the relationship, which fosters a supportive environment where both partners can thrive.
Commitment to Self and Marriage 11:14
“I had to recognize that being married to a good man, I was the problem.”
- The speaker reflects on the lack of commitment to both herself and her husband, acknowledging that her own unhappiness and behavior negatively impacted the marriage.
- By realizing she was contributing to the issues, she found the path to becoming a solution, which involved reassessing how she engaged with her husband and acknowledging his needs as a man.
- This recognition was described as a “red pill” moment that allowed her to see her role in the marriage critically and to initiate change.
Understanding Relationship Dynamics and Empowerment 12:00
“If you recognize that things can change very quickly, it’s actually a very empowering pill to swallow.”
- The speaker emphasizes the importance of accepting that women often have a pivotal role in relationship dynamics with good men.
- A good man, characterized as caring, loving, and responsible, typically desires to make his wife happy. However, when women embody a victim mentality, it leads to projecting unhappiness onto their husbands, which drives them away.
- The importance of introspection is highlighted as a necessary step for women, urging them to take responsibility for how they show up in the marriage rather than focusing solely on their husbands’ actions.
The Path to Personal Evolution and Virtue 14:50
“Living a virtuous life and valuing virtues is the path to happiness.”
- The narrative talks about the significance of living from a place of character and integrity, which fosters a sense of fulfillment and purpose.
- It is suggested that true happiness stems from acting unselfishly, motivated by personal values rather than societal expectations.
- The speaker mentions Aristotle’s philosophy to underscore that valuing yourself and living virtuously are essential components of achieving happiness and a successful marriage.
Seven Key Elements a Husband Needs 20:45
“The first one is reciprocity, meaning a mutual exchange of support, emotional investment, care, and love.”
- The first of the seven needs is described as reciprocity, which emphasizes the importance of mutual care and emotional investment in the relationship.
- The speaker argues that a good man simply wants to be treated as an equal partner. Recognizing his value and placing the marriage as a priority fosters stronger connections.
- Additionally, empathy is highlighted as crucial, as it encourages understanding and consideration of husbands’ challenges, countering self-centered behaviors.
1—Empathy and Responsibility in Relationships 23:29
“Taking on the responsibility for myself has been an expression of being thoughtful of him and what’s going on for him in his life.”
- The speaker emphasizes the importance of empathy in a marital relationship, acknowledging that they make mistakes but must continually work to pick themselves up and recommit to their partner.
- By focusing on their husband’s struggles and being sensitive to his feelings, it’s possible to avoid unnecessarily burdening him with personal challenges.
- This thoughtful approach signifies a commitment to managing one’s own emotions and issues without imposing them on their partner, showcasing care and consideration in the relationship.
2—Reciprocity of Kindness 24:10
“Telling them we’re happy and letting them know that we appreciate them for who they are is that reciprocity of what they give to us all the time.”
- The discussion highlights the need for reciprocity in showing appreciation in a marriage, suggesting genuine expressions of happiness and gratitude towards one’s partner.
- Small gestures of kindness, such as expressing joy at returning home or thanking your spouse for their supportive nature, help strengthen emotional bonds and reflect the kindness received from them.
- It’s an important reminder that acknowledging and valuing a partner’s contributions is crucial for maintaining a healthy and loving relationship.
- —Reciprocity of Kindness in sharing. I often offer to cook something nice, make something nice, ask my wife to paricipate in a nice activity. But she often has no time, no interest, no personal investment to reciprocate this kind of kindness. It seems my wife always has to be the giver, always has to be the doer, never the receiver. I feel this kind of dismissive behavior feels like a form of control, and an underhanded way to show lack of respect for the gift or service being offered. When it happens over and over repeatedly is feels like abuse. Such an attitude and behavior really causes me to desire to withdraw, and stop trying. I try to say yes to all her offerings, to honor them as best I can whenever I can, just to show respect for the offering, and the thought involved. Of course, I probably don’t do that perfectly, but when I see I missed an opportunity, I make a point to make sure I don’t miss the next opportunity. It doesn’t seem like my wife has any inclination of this kind of mindset.
3—Accountability in Marriage 25:11
“A willingness to accept responsibility for your role in the issues and challenges in the marriage is vital.”
- Accountability in marriage is described as recognizing one’s own role in conflicts and willingly committing to change for the betterment of the relationship.
- When partners are open to discussing areas of improvement, it reinforces that they value each other and the marriage itself.
- The speaker emphasizes the importance of taking constructive feedback from one’s husband seriously and demonstrating a commitment to being a responsible partner.
- —Apparently, women are often afraid to admit when they are wrong. Why? Because it creates a sense of accountability, which apparently is something many deeply women fear.
4—The Importance of Genuine Apologies 27:23
“A true apology requires genuine remorse and then follow-through in a willingness to change the behavior.”
- When conflicts arise, a sincere apology involves not just saying “I’m sorry,” but also understanding the underlying behavior that led to the issue.
- Recognizing that apologies should lead to changed behavior showcases a commitment to personal growth within the relationship.
- The need for genuine remorse and a proactive approach to changing harmful behaviors is crucial for rebuilding trust and respect in a marriage.
- —Apparently, many women are afraid to admit when they are wrong. So getting an apology for certain women will never happen, because they have deceived themselves that what they do, how they feel, how they think, plan, and react is never the problem. This seems to be a huge blind spot, that only the woman can address on her own.
5—Clear Communication Equals Stronger Bonds 30:15
“Good men need clear, direct communication. Just tell them what you want.”
- Clarity in communication is underscored as a fundamental need in a marriage, where asking for what one desires directly is more effective than vague questioning.
- The notion that men are not mind readers is reinforced, indicating that partners should express themselves straightforwardly to avoid miscommunication.
- The emphasis is on not overloading husbands with lengthy stories or indirect hints, but instead fostering an environment of clear, honest dialogue to enhance understanding and cooperation.
- —My wife seems to like to play the: “Guess what’s in my head?” Game. She often never comes out and says directly what she means or wants. Often she will make knee jerk reactions, with life altering consequences, never letting me know what she wants, nor what she is planning or intending. I have to find out about it, after the fact, and I am left holding the bag in a stupor. I see this as another form of abuse. And I believe she justifies her behavior by creating multiple setups for failure, for her husband in order to self justify her actions. By her more, she says “she loves” but by her actions, she can be a source of gossip and slander, which I see as a monster of abuse, neglect, betrayal, and invictive anti-faith behavior.
6—Treating Partners as Grown Adults 32:58
“Stay in your lane and treat your husband like the grown man that he is.”
- The importance of respecting one’s husband as an individual capable of making decisions is emphasized, warning against mothering or treating him like a child.
- Allowing husbands the space to problem-solve independently encourages confidence and reinforces their role in the relationship.
- Acknowledging that husbands may share their thoughts without necessarily seeking solutions can improve emotional support, as opposed to projecting worries onto them.
- —My wife often speaks more respectfully, and treats the animals more honorably, than she does her husband. She refuses to acknowledge the need to speak respectfully to me, but demands that i use surface words, like “please.” And think that puts her communication on a higher plain.
7—The Importance of Allowing Men Independence 34:51
“If a grown man wants a bunch of t-shirts; let him have a bunch of t-shirts. He does not need you to play his mommy and go through his clothes with him.”
- It’s essential to recognize that adult men are capable of managing their own choices, including their clothing. This reflects a broader issue where women may unintentionally adopt a parenting role in their relationships, trying to control or dictate their partner’s preferences and decisions.
- Encouraging men to make their own choices fosters their independence and self-reliance, two qualities that are vital for a healthy relationship.
- —My wife is constantly creating and seemingly demanding new projects to be done, knowing well that older projects have not been completed. It seems like a ball and chain, to strap a man down, so that He can have no free time to do what is his own highest priority and service to God, because his wife has already filled his schedule to overload capacity.
8—Understanding Men’s Need for Personal Space 36:46
“The fifth thing a man needs from his wife is time for himself.”
- Just like women, men also require time to recharge and decompress from their responsibilities. This personal time is necessary for their emotional well-being and to effectively manage their roles as husbands and fathers.
- Giving men the space they need allows them to refill their energy tanks, leading to better mental and emotional resilience.
- —My wife often gets exceptionally irritable (most every day), as well as, anti-social, and berating in her tone, and demeanor, when she gets tired. I know to avoid her in such times and give her space. But when my body is fried and tired beyond explanation, my wife will still demand my best responsive service and log every offense, and show disrespect. It seems she wants to create a scenario for conflict, distress, and a reason to criticize and put-down.
9—Fostering Fun and Playfulness in the Relationship 37:40
“Men need fun and playfulness to be the woman he thought he married who liked to have fun.”
- The playful nature in relationships can often fade over time, leading to rigidity. It’s important for women to embrace the fun side of themselves and support their partners in being silly and joyful.
- Encouraging light-heartedness and participation in playful activities fortifies the emotional bond between partners and enriches the relationship experience.
- —My wife stopped being fun, playful and spontaneous, shortly after the marriage ceremony. According to much research this is common, because she got what she wanted.
10—Valuing Opinions in the Relationship 40:08
“Men just want to be treated like a human being who has thoughts and opinions that are valued.”
- Men thrive on being heard and having their opinions validated, even if there is disagreement. This involves listening attentively and respecting their thoughts.
- Valuing a man’s opinion not only strengthens his sense of worth but also encourages a balanced dynamic within the relationship, where both partners feel empowered to express themselves.
- —My wife not only does not value my opinions, but doesn’t even allow them to be expressed, she regularly cuts me off (and starts speaking) within the first 3 sentences of my trying to express them.
Seven Needs of a Man in Marriage 46:18
“The seven things a man needs from his wife are reciprocity, accountability, clear communication, staying in your lane, treating him like a grown man, time for himself, and valuing his opinion.”
- A man requires seven fundamental elements from his wife to foster a healthy and respectful relationship: reciprocity, accountability, clear communication, respecting his independence, treating him as an equal partner, allowing him personal time, and valuing his perspective.
- All these needs can be encapsulated under respect and appreciation, emphasizing the importance of being a good partner as an expression of one’s character.
Self-Awareness and Personal Growth in Marriage 47:34
“It feels good to have control over ourselves and to show up in a way that demonstrates our character and integrity.”
- Emphasizing self-awareness, the speaker discusses how personal growth and character development are integral to being a good wife. This involves being mindful and moving away from selfishness and self-centeredness.
- The foundation of a fulfilling marriage is built on understanding oneself, which in turn leads to a more supportive and harmonious relationship with one’s spouse.
The Importance of a Healthy Relationship with Yourself 48:58
“Everything talked about becomes an expression of you and having a healthy relationship with yourself.”
- The key to fulfilling a partner’s needs within a marriage is having a healthy relationship with oneself. This self-love and understanding naturally translate into better interactions with one’s husband.
- The speaker offers resources, like a happiness course, aimed at teaching women how to cultivate this healthy self-relationship.
Addressing Men’s Needs in Marriage 50:25
“You didn’t marry the wrong woman; you just married a woman.”
- It’s essential for men to understand that they cannot change their wives to align with their expectations but can learn to embrace their partner’s emotions as part of a learning journey in their marriage.
- The speaker encourages men to build their strength and confidence, regardless of their wives’ emotional volatility, and emphasizes that a wife’s behavior is often a reflection of her inner relationship with herself rather than a direct critique of the husband.
Handling Emasculation and Misplaced Responsibility 56:28
“You cannot change her or stop her from doing that, but you can learn to be grounded in the face of it.”
- In relationships, it is crucial for a man to maintain his sense of self-worth when his partner attempts to undermine him. Recognizing that you cannot change someone else’s behavior frees you from unnecessary emotional turmoil.
- Strength and confidence are built by not allowing negative comments or actions from a partner to dictate your self-image. When she realizes her attempts to provoke a reaction are ineffective, she may stop that behavior over time.
The Illusion of Making Your Partner Happy 57:23
“There’s nothing a man can do to make his wife happier; our happiness is our responsibility.”
- The speaker emphasizes that a man’s efforts to secure his wife’s happiness often lead to feelings of defeat when those attempts prove insufficient. Instead of seeking her happiness through his own actions, a man should focus on being a good person for himself.
- Happiness stems from an individual’s relationship with themselves, and trying to make someone else happy can lead to resentment. Understanding this allows men to step away from the unrealistic obligation of being responsible for their partner’s emotional state.
The Importance of Self-Happiness in Relationships 59:05
“A good man’s nature is feeling good and confident in himself; if we’re happy in ourselves, that solves a good man’s biggest problem.”
- Women can take more responsibility for their own happiness, which positively impacts their partners. A good man’s emotional well-being can often depend on his partner’s happiness, and addressing her own relationship with herself is key.
- Moreover, couples should strive to foster their individual well-being, ensuring a healthier dynamic within the marriage.
The Challenges of Expectations and Marriage 01:00:11
“Many women believe that marriage is about making them happy, leading to confusion and disappointment.”
- Many partners enter marriages expecting the other to fulfill all their happiness needs, which can lead to discontent. Recognizing this misconception can help both partners navigate their relationship with clearer expectations and a shared understanding of responsibility for personal happiness.
- This conversation highlights the ongoing challenge couples may face if they cling to these faulty assumptions about happiness.
Appreciation for Support 01:06:54
“Thank you for being here and making this such a great place to be every Saturday.”
- The speaker expresses gratitude toward the audience for their continued support and participation each Saturday.
- This sense of community is emphasized as a significant factor in creating an enjoyable environment for everyone involved.
- The consistent attendance is appreciated, and it helps foster a warm atmosphere that the speaker looks forward to.
Looking Forward to Future Engagements 01:07:05
“I look forward to seeing you all again next week.”
- The speaker indicates anticipation for future interactions, highlighting a commitment to engaging with the audience regularly.
- This sentiment builds a connection, reassuring the audience that their presence is valued and welcomed.
- By expressing excitement for the upcoming week, the speaker cultivates enthusiasm, encouraging participants to return.
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