What Is A Wife? (Ep.64)

Being a Wife is a Gift

You Give to Yourself

Some Excerpts:

• Good Marriages Are Built, Not Found
• Marriage works like a dance; each spouse must embrace their role.
• “Control is often a trauma response, not a leadership skill.”
  
• Men are wired to thrive on respect.
• Disrespect undermines intimacy and leadership.
• “You can be honest without being harsh. You can be direct without being demeaning.”
• “Emotional maturity in a wife is the thermostat of the household.”

 

 

 

If you want the blessings and benefits of marriage:

• You must also be willing to embrace the discipline and identity shift that marriage demands.

• It’s not about “changing for a man”—it’s about maturing into the woman your marriage needs.

 

 

Here’s a summarized breakdown of the episode “What Is A Wife? | The Happy Wife School Show Ep. 64” in 10 key bullet points, including timestamps:

Key Takeaways:

1. Opening & Announcements (00:00–03:56)
   • Host shares there will be no live show next Saturday due to personal travel.
   • Encourages listeners to rate the show on Spotify/Apple Podcasts.
   • Promotes colleague Josie’s channel on emotional healing from chronic illness.
2. Purpose of the Episode (05:51–09:22)
   • This talk is for women of all ages, not just newlyweds.
   • Explores the role and responsibility of a wife, especially in marriage with a good man.
   • Defines being a wife as a vital part of a successful, happy marriage.
3. Behavioral Patterns to Address (12:30–15:11)
   • Common toxic traits include being controlling, needing to be right, and blaming the husband for unhappiness.
   • Emphasis on taking accountability and treating the wife role as sacred and transformational.
4. Lifestyle Change Philosophy (19:35–23:50)
   • Marriage success for women depends on changing behaviors, similar to committing to a gym routine.
   • Must be a long-term identity shift, not a temporary fix.
5. Desired Marriage Outcomes Require Effort (25:40–27:18)
   • Emotional intimacy, love, security, and growth in marriage only come through intentional behavioral change.
   • Women must adopt the “wife” identity fully and consistently.
6. Top 5 Lifestyle Changes for Wives (29:32–41:29)
   • Be emotionally stable and regulated.
   • Be selfless and prioritize the marriage over personal moods or impulses.
   • Be financially wise and cut unnecessary spending.
   • Care for physical health and appearance.
   • Respect boundaries in relationships (e.g., limit phone time with friends/family, avoid inappropriate settings or male friendships).
7. Letting the Husband Lead (41:29–44:42)
   • Emphasizes the importance of submission in a healthy way.
   • Directs to Episode 37 for deeper insight on the concept of a “submissive wife.”
8. Mutual Roles = “The Dance” (44:42–46:45)
   • Marriage works like a dance; each spouse must embrace their role.
   • Husbands have their responsibilities too—but women must own their part for the “dance” to work.
9. To Good Men (46:45–48:54)
   • Message to men: if your wife isn’t working on herself, it’s not your fault.
   • Best case scenario is having a wife who’s self-aware, open to growth, and committed to personal development.
10. On Divorce & Emotional Healing (54:23–59:19)
    • Discusses the grief and normalization process following parents’ divorce or personal divorce.
    • Encourages taking personal responsibility for how one reacts to loss and not being a victim of circumstance.

 

 

Here’s an expanded look at the segment:

3. Behavioral Patterns to Address
(Timestamp: 12:30–15:11)

In this part of the episode, the speaker highlights common behavioral patterns that many wives may unknowingly fall into—patterns that can erode trust, connection, and leadership within the marriage if left unaddressed.

Three Key Patterns to Watch For:

1. Controlling Behavior

• What it looks like:
  • Micromanaging, needing things done your way, constantly correcting or “guiding” your husband in everyday matters.
• Deeper issue:
  • Often stems from fear, anxiety, or past wounds where you felt let down and had to take control to feel safe.
• Why it’s damaging:
  • It signals to your husband that you don’t trust him—either with decisions or responsibilities.

“Control is often a trauma response, not a leadership skill.”

 

2. Disrespectful Communication

• What it looks like:

  • Sarcasm,
  • rolling your eyes,
  • dismissive tone,
  • interrupting, or
  • correcting him in public.
      
• Deeper issue:
  • Can be a symptom of:
    • frustration or
    • resentment,
    • A Spirit of Contempt
  • but it chips away at a man’s confidence and causes emotional shutdown.
• Why it’s damaging:
  • Men are wired to thrive on respect—
  • Disrespect undermines intimacy and leadership.

 

“You can be honest without being harsh. You can be direct without being demeaning.”
 

3. Emotional Reactivity

• What it looks like: Reacting from emotion instead of responding with thought; over-personalizing disagreements; getting defensive quickly.
• Deeper issue: Sometimes rooted in past experiences or unprocessed emotions.
  When you’re in a reactive state, logic and connection are blocked.
• Why it’s damaging: High reactivity creates instability in the home and makes your husband feel like he’s “walking on eggshells.”

“Emotional maturity in a wife is the thermostat of the household.”

Mindset Shift: From Reaction to Reflection

The speaker encourages wives to become more self-aware:

• Notice your default patterns in conflict or stress.
• Pause and ask: “Is this behavior building or breaking?”
• Embrace self-control as a form of relational power, not weakness.

Encouragement: You’re Not Broken—You’re Growing

These patterns are common and human. The point isn’t to shame, but to help you:

• Recognize what’s holding you back
• Learn how to shift into healthier habits
• Create the kind of connection where both spouses feel seen, safe, and strong

 

  

Here’s an expansion on the “Lifestyle Change Philosophy” as presented in the episode “What Is A Wife? | The Happy Wife School Show Ep. 64”:

4.  Lifestyle Change Philosophy
(19:35–23:50)

Lifestyle Change Philosophy (Marriage & Wifehood Edition)

The speaker introduces a “lifestyle change philosophy” to frame the role of a wife—not as a temporary effort, but as a fundamental transformation in how a woman lives her life once she is married. It’s compared to making a lifestyle change in health or fitness, such as committing to regular workouts, eating differently, or changing sleeping habits. Just like in those scenarios, success in marriage, especially when partnered with a good man, requires consistent effort, planning, and commitment. Here’s how that philosophy breaks down:

1. It’s a Long-Term Commitment

• Becoming a wife isn’t just a role for the wedding day—it’s a daily choice and life identity shift.
• Just as someone who wants to get in shape must integrate fitness into their everyday routine, a wife must integrate new relational and emotional behaviors into her life.

2. It Requires Intentional Behavior Change

• A marriage won’t improve if a woman just hopes it will. She must strategically change her behavior—with intention.
• Example: You don’t just “go to the gym when you feel like it.” You plan your days, your goals, and your routines. Marriage needs the same planning and consistency.

‍ 3. It Starts with Identity

• The change must stem from who you want to be as a wife and person—not just from a desire to “fix the marriage.”
• If you try to “act like a wife” only until you get a specific benefit (like affection or appreciation), the changes won’t stick. The transformation must come from an internal commitment.

4. Emotional Responsibility is Central

• A major part of the lifestyle change is emotional regulation.
• The speaker emphasizes that a wife’s emotional state sets the tone for the home. Just like the sun influences everything around it, so does a woman’s emotional balance affect her husband and family.

5. Financial Maturity Is Part of the Shift

• Another key lifestyle adjustment is financial discipline.
• This includes recognizing that the shared household needs stability, and a wife must be aware of spending habits and prioritize financial unity with her husband.

6. Shifting Social Dynamics

• Married life also requires adjusting friendships and external relationships.
• No more bar nights with single girlfriends or constant texting/messaging with friends throughout the day.
• Loyalty, time, and attention must now center on the marriage.

7. Selflessness Over Self-Indulgence

• The lifestyle of a wife involves sacrificing selfish habits.
• That doesn’t mean losing self-care, but instead prioritizing the needs of the marriage over fleeting personal desires.

8. Self-Care Is Still Essential (But Purpose-Driven)

• Self-care isn’t vanity—it’s about being emotionally and physically well enough to show up powerfully in the relationship.
• Taking care of yourself (like going for a swim, as she shared) shows your partner and family that you care about them by maintaining your own well-being.
    

Bottom Line:

The Lifestyle Change Philosophy says: 

“Don’t just try to be a better wife

—become the kind of woman who lives out that role every single day. 

Do it because it aligns with your values, goals, and identity—not for external validation.”

 

 

 

Here’s an expanded breakdown of the point “5. Desired Marriage Outcomes Require Effort” from the episode “What Is A Wife? | The Happy Wife School Show Ep. 64” (timestamp 25:40–27:18):

5. Desired Marriage Outcomes Require Effort
(Timestamp: 25:40–27:18)

The speaker emphasizes a powerful truth: you don’t get the marriage you desire by accident—you get it by design. And that design takes real, consistent effort.

1. Good Marriages Are Built, Not Found

• The speaker debunks the myth that if you marry “the right person,” everything will just fall into place.
• Even with a good man, love, peace, intimacy, and joy don’t just magically appear—they must be intentionally created and maintained.

“A lot of women think the marriage will just happen for them. That their husband will make the marriage good. But that’s not how it works. You’re a wife now. You’re responsible too.”

2. Want Specific Results? Then Do Specific Work.

• If a woman wants:
  • More intimacy ➝ she has to create emotional and physical safety.
  • More peace in the home ➝ she must become peaceful herself.
  • Better communication ➝ she needs to speak and listen with maturity and respect.
• The desired outcomes in marriage must be earned, just like in a career or personal development journey.

3. It’s Not a One-Time Effort

• She stresses that marriage success is not about trying hard for one weekend and expecting lifelong results.
• Consistency is key. Just like working out or learning a new skill, you don’t get results from effort you made a month ago—you have to keep showing up.

4. Accountability: It Starts With You

• Women are encouraged to stop blaming external circumstances or even their husbands for the quality of the marriage.
• The speaker asks: “Are you putting in the same level of effort into your marriage as you expect your husband to?”

“We expect these beautiful outcomes, but we’re not putting in beautiful effort.”

Takeaway Message:

If you want a fulfilling, thriving marriage, you must:

• Take ownership of your role.
• Put in purposeful effort every day.
• Become the kind of woman who naturally produces those desired outcomes.

There’s no shortcut—just like you don’t get fit by wishing, you don’t get a happy marriage by hoping. You build it.

 

 

 

Here’s a detailed breakdown of the segment “Top 5 Lifestyle Changes for Wives” from The Happy Wife School Show – Ep. 64: What is a Wife? (Timestamp: 29:32–41:29):

6. Top 5 Lifestyle Changes for Wives
(Timestamp: 29:32–41:29)

This segment focuses on the foundational shifts a woman must make when she becomes a wife—not just changes in behavior, but deep, identity-level lifestyle transformations. The speaker explains that without these, a woman may continue living like she’s single, even after marriage.

1. From Independent to Interdependent

• Many women pride themselves on being strong and independent—a trait often encouraged by modern culture.
• But in marriage, that mindset must evolve into interdependence: mutual support, vulnerability, and shared responsibilities.

“You’re no longer a solo act. You’re a team now.”

This doesn’t mean losing your identity—it means shifting from self-first to us-first thinking.

2. From Reactive to Intentional

• In single life, you often react based on mood, energy, or convenience.
• In marriage, the speaker says you must become intentional with your time, emotions, and words—especially in how you relate to your husband.

Examples include:

• Choosing to respond with grace instead of reacting in anger.
• Being proactive in creating peace in the home.
• Scheduling quality time instead of waiting for it to “just happen.”

“Marriage is not a vibe—it’s a plan.”

3. From Self-Prioritization to Relationship Stewardship

• Before marriage, your focus might be on self-care, career, travel, personal goals.
• In marriage, while personal growth still matters, you now have the added role of stewarding your relationship—caring for the health and strength of your union.

This includes:

• Nurturing intimacy (emotional and physical)
• Supporting your husband’s vision
• Protecting your connection from distractions (phones, work, even kids)

“It’s not just about ‘me’ anymore—it’s about ‘we.’”

4. From Control to Collaboration

• The speaker warns against wives who micromanage, dominate, or try to control every aspect of the household or their husband’s behavior.
• Instead, a wise wife embraces collaboration—she leads with influence, not force.

“Control creates resistance. Collaboration creates trust.”

She encourages wives to trust their husbands’ leadership and grow in submission (which she frames as strength under control—not weakness).

5. From Casual Living to Purposeful Living

• Being a wife is not just a role—it’s a calling.
• The speaker challenges women to elevate their lifestyle: the way they think, speak, show up, and love should reflect the weight and beauty of the wife role.

This includes:

• Speaking life into your husband
• Maintaining your appearance with care (not vanity, but honor)
• Creating a peaceful, joyful atmosphere in your home
• Walking in your values daily—not just when convenient

“You’re not just a girl anymore—you’re a woman. You’re a wife. And that means something.”

 

Final Thought from the Segment:

If you want the blessings and benefits of marriage:
You must also be willing to embrace the discipline and identity shift that marriage demands.
It’s not about “changing for a man”—it’s about maturing into the woman your marriage needs.

Here’s an expanded summary and reflection on the segment “Letting the Husband Lead” from The Happy Wife School Show – Ep. 64: What is a Wife? (Timestamp: 41:29–44:42):

7..  Letting the Husband Lead

(Timestamp: 41:29–44:42)
In this section, the speaker dives into a key principle in many traditional and faith-based marriage models: the concept of male leadership in the home—and what it means for a wife to let her husband lead.

Core Idea: Leadership Doesn’t Mean Dominance

The speaker clarifies right away that letting your husband lead is not about passivity, weakness, or oppression. Instead, it’s about:

• Honoring his position as the head of the household
• Empowering him to carry responsibility with confidence
• Creating space for healthy authority and mutual respect

“A man cannot lead where a woman refuses to follow.”

 

7.   What Letting Him Lead Looks Like:

1. Trusting His Decisions
   • Even if his way is different from yours, trust that he’s operating with good intent.
   • This doesn’t mean silence or blind submission—but it does mean not undermining him constantly.
2. Resisting the Urge to Control
   • Many women step in and take over because they fear things won’t get done “right” (or fast enough).
   • But control kills leadership. The speaker says if you want a man to lead, you must give him room to try, fail, grow, and be trusted.
3. “You can’t pray for a leader and then fight him every step of the way.”
   
4. Speaking with Respect
   • Letting your husband lead includes how you speak to and about him—especially in public or in front of children.
   • Disrespect, sarcasm, or belittling comments undermine his effectiveness, competense, position, confidence and authority.
5. Supporting His Vision
   • A leader without support is a burdened man.
   • The wife becomes a “helper” in the biblical sense—someone who amplifies, strengthens, and encourages his calling and vision for the family.
6. “You don’t lose power when you follow—you multiply it.”
   

Mindset Shift Required:

Many women have been conditioned to believe leadership equals superiority, so letting a man lead feels like giving up something. But the speaker reframes it:

• It’s not about one person being better.
• It’s about order, harmony, and unity.
• Leadership and submission are both strength roles—just expressed differently.

Final Reflection from the Segment:

Letting your husband lead is an act of faith, humility, and love.
It’s not about being voiceless—it’s about being strategically powerful.
By stepping into your divine role as a wife, you actually unlock and activate the leader in your husband.

 

 

Here’s an expanded look at:

8. Mutual Roles = “The Dance”

(Timestamp: 44:42–46:45)

In this segment, the speaker uses the metaphor of a dance to describe the mutual dynamic between husband and wife in marriage. The idea is that both partners have distinct roles—but those roles are not meant to compete or dominate. Instead, they’re meant to complement each other in harmony, much like a couple dancing.

The Dance Metaphor:

• In a traditional dance, one person leads and the other follows—but both are equally important to the rhythm and beauty of the movement.
• If both try to lead, or neither does, the dance becomes awkward and disconnected.
• Likewise, if one partner resists the flow or timing, it throws off the unity.

“The dance only works when both people know their part and trust each other.”

Mutual Responsibility, Not Hierarchy

• The speaker emphasizes that this isn’t about power imbalance—it’s about coordination.
• A husband’s leadership isn’t meant to control; it’s meant to serve and protect.
• A wife’s response isn’t about passivity; it’s about wisdom, strength, and trust.

This concept invites both partners to:

• Understand their strengths and vulnerabilities
• Embrace their unique roles
• Lean into the ebb and flow of relationship dynamics, instead of battling for control

When the Dance Works Well:

• Decisions are made with unity rather than power struggles.
• Each person feels valued and heard.
• The relationship moves with a sense of fluidity and grace, even through challenges.

“It’s not about who’s in charge—it’s about how well you move together.”

Takeaway:

For wives specifically, this means:

• Learning when to follow with strength rather than resist out of fear
• Trusting the process of co-leadership through cooperation, not competition
• Recognizing that healthy submission isn’t weakness—it’s intentional alignment

Awesome! Here’s a journal prompt for individual reflection, and a couple’s reflection question if you want to explore this together:

Journal Prompt (for Wives or Husbands):

“What does ‘the dance’ of our marriage look like right now?”

• Who usually leads in different areas of our life (finances, parenting, spiritual decisions, etc.)?
• Do I feel comfortable in my role—or do I tend to resist, control, or shrink back?
• What fears or beliefs might be getting in the way of trusting the rhythm of our relationship?
• How can I bring more grace, trust, and intention into the way I move with my spouse?

Couple’s Reflection Question:

“What would it take for us to ‘dance’ better together in our marriage?”

• Are there areas where we’re stepping on each other’s toes?
• Do we communicate who’s leading clearly and kindly?
• Are we moving together—or pulling in opposite directions?
• How can we better support and respond to each other’s strengths?

 

 

 

 

Here’s a worksheet-style version of the reflection based on the idea of “The Dance” in marriage. It’s formatted for personal journaling or couple’s conversation. You can copy/paste this into a doc or let me know if you’d like it as a printable PDF.

 

“The Dance” of Marriage – Reflection Worksheet

Theme: Mutual Roles in Marriage – Trusting and Moving Together

PART 1: Personal Reflection (For Wife or Husband)

1. What does the “dance” of our marriage currently look like?
Use imagery or be specific about your daily interactions.

Example: “It feels like I’m always trying to lead and he’s resisting, or we’re just spinning in place without rhythm.”

2. In which areas do I tend to lead?
Check or list as many as apply:

• • Finances
  • Parenting
  • Social plans
  • Spiritual life
  • Household decisions
  • Emotional tone of the home
  • Other: ___________________

3. How do I feel about my role?

Do I feel frustrated, empowered, passive, anxious, resentful, content?

4. Are there any fears or beliefs I carry about letting my spouse lead?

Example: “If I don’t do it, no one will.” / “They might let me down.”

5. One step I can take to trust the rhythm more in our marriage dance:

This could be about communication, slowing down, encouragement, or practicing letting go.

 

PART 2: Couple’s Conversation – “Let’s Talk About Our Dance”

1. When do we move best together?

Think of moments where you were in sync.

2. Where do we feel like we’re stepping on each other’s toes?

3. What does healthy leadership look like to each of us?

How do we define leadership, support, and follow-through in a way that feels honoring to both?

4. How can we better support one another’s roles without power struggles?

5. One thing we’ll each do to “dance” more smoothly together this week:

• Spouse 1: ____________________________________
• Spouse 2: ____________________________________

 

 

Title: What Is A Wife? | The Happy Wife School Show Ep. 64 

Transcript: (00:00) 

the Happy Wife School show 

It is very good to be here. We are talking today about what is a wife.

 So I’m excited to get into that today with you. Please let me know in the chat that you can hear me see me everything is is coming through Okay I have a couple of announcements before we get started per usual Uh first is no live show uh next Saturday I believe that’s April April 12th I think April 11th or 12th Uh but I will be uh visiting my parents and enjoying Thunder Over Louisville next Saturday uh which is an air show uh they put on to start (00:41) derby celebrations for the month of May uh in Louisville Kentucky So I’ll be there with my parents Looking forward to that Uh also if you like to listen to the Happy Wife School show these Saturday long form content videos uh in podcast format please go follow the Happy Wife School on Spotify or Apple Podcast and you can catch the live show every Wednesday We post the new uh the newest episode on Wednesdays if there is a new episod e unless I’m unless I’m gone And if you happen to follow me on Spotify and Apple if you could please (01:24) give the show a rating that would be wonderful I would appreciate it so much That helps it get out to more people um and it balances out the the people out there who are are not a fan of what I’m doing uh and my message So if you can can give the the show a rating on Spotify or Apple I would appreciate it very very much And then lastly I always like to point you guys in the direction of m y colleague Jos’s YouTube channel Beyond Remission a new era of permanent healing Josie teaches emotional medicine as the answer and solution to heal from (02:01) autoimmune diseases and chronic illnesses So if you or someone you love or know suffers from autoimmune such as fibromyalgia uh hypothyroidism uh Graves disease um rheumatoid arthritis uh please consider looking at Jos’s channel and hear what she has to say about how to permanently heal from autoimmune and chronic illnesses uh chronic illnesses being things like ADD ADHD anxiety depression chronic pain Uh Josie herself uh healed from eight autoimmune uh diseases and chronic illnesses and has been fully healthy now for over eight years um and (02:44) has an incredible story So please go check out her channel She’s very close to a thousand subscribers So if her message speaks to you please consider subscribing Let’s get her to a thousand Uh that would be amazing So with all that being said I’m going to check that you guys could hear all of that Uh and then we’ll get started on the topic Um and while I’m loud and clear thank you so much Steve and Phil Phil I appreciate you so much Uh repeating the loud and clear so that I catch it Phil knows that I don’t do so great with the (03:18) chat And he was wonderful last week Uh before I get on the topic this reminded me Phil was awesome last week to keep posting a question that I believe uh Salty your son Logan asked and I still even though Phil posted it I think like 10 time s I still didn’t see it So I have copied and paste pasted that question so that I uh answer that at the end of the show and I’m actually going to make a note real quick Um so that I don’t miss that in my I have it in my email box so that when I go to see Phil’s questions to me I don’t miss that So I’m going to (03:56) answer that question And Phil like I said I just really appreciate uh how often you repeat things so that trying to get me to see it in the chat and Steve uh all the the joy and en a year uh of getting married and then it was probably I was married probably a year and a half before I started to really dive in to my woman ways and all that I talk about on the channel So I do feel very fortunate in that uh and very fortunate to mentor this young woman to give her a healthy foundation right from the get-go And even she I was working with her before she got married And so I’ve been helping her to embrace the (05:51) role of a wife and what it means to be a wife and the lifesty know there are thank you for the women who have been showing up each Saturday um here to learn and grow and add to the channel and be vulnerable and share your own experiences I’m very grateful to you So I know you’re out there listening today and and for those who might be new to the channel um that this episode isn’t just for new wives or or young women seeking to get married This is also for older women who have been married and have been a wife for a while That when you’re married to a a goo ob they will not succeed and ultimately get fired So for success in marriage and for se success in marriage when a woman is (09:22) married to a good man we must understand the roles and responsibilities of being a wife It is vital to the health and happiness of the marriage the structure of the marriage for the marriage to work and to be happy and successful So we’re going to define wife in that vein and put a definition to what is a wife A wife is the role women play in a marriage that determi minder and these can be covert or overt and they are on a spectrum for us as women which is why I don’t say good woman or bad woman or anything like that We’re just women and on a spectrum we (12:30) have these behaviors and patterns that are unhealthy that we bring into a relationship with a good man And those patterns can be being controlling the need to always be right Blaming our unhappiness onto our husbands or blaming our husbands for our unhappiness being emasculating gaslighting manipula hat mantle and holding yourself to a standard of being your best and being responsible for your shortcomings and the impact and power you have on a marriage and a good man And for it to be successful is an honor and a privilege and a role you want to embrace as sacred and one that will offer you fulfillment self-nowledge wisdom in a way that no other role and (15:11) in my perspective and beliefs in a in a way no other role can give to us as women The problem is and unfortunately in our society ve gotten married for the wrong reasons because of what we thought would make us happy as women and we never took accountability for the role of being a wife never even stopped to think that there was accountability and responsibility in that and that we chose to be a wife and that being a wife and the job and role of being a wife will last the whole marriage the whole term of the marriage But again we don’t even like to know that we have a role as a wife and think it’s demeaning But it is actua estyle change are changes in our behaviors to create the outcomes and goals that we seek (19:35) A lifestyle change is changes in our behaviors that create the outcomes and goals that we seek And so in a marriage and in being a wife the lifestyle change are changes in our behaviors to create the outcome we want in our marriage Recognizing that as a wife and being a wife the success of the marriage when you are married to a good man falls on our shoulders It’s determined by us and how we show up ive lifestyle changes a woman must make when she becomes a wife to get the outcome of the marriage she seeks So the the example I like to give in in teaching this is the gym When you decide you’re going to make (21:52) a lifestyle change to go to the gym and get into shape if it is a lifestyle change you’re making a long-term commitment to who you want to be and how you want to live your life because of something that is important to you In this case your physical health And the lifestyle of goi ym Because we all know if if you’ve been a person who got out of uh got off the train of going to the gym and then you got to get back on the train we all know if you just say “I’m going to start going to the gym and you don’t have a specific plan and specific days and times when you’re going to go,” it ain’t happening It’s just not going to happen (23:50) So you have to say “No I’m I’m going five days a week.” And then you have to decide am I going to go in the morning or am I going to go in th ent It’s who I am and how I want to live my life So as women and being wives we have to treat marriage and being a wife the exact same way If you want the outcome and benefits of being married of emotional intimacy security companionship feeling cherished and valued by someone feeling loved having someone to to do life with and grow and learn through life with and growing old with someone If you want those benefits then you must make changes in your behavior to create (25:40) the lifestyle of be change You have to do it because of who you want to be and how (27:18) you want to live your life If you try to make the lifestyle change because you want to lose weight once you lose that weight generally you’re going to stop going to the gym So you have to do that just for you for it to actually work It’s the same with being a wife and making the lifestyle change needed to be a wife and have the outcome you desire in marriage and having a happy healthy successful marriage You do this for your ve as wives is being emotionally stable and emotionally regulated The reason for that as I like to describe it as women whether you like it or not our emotional state and our (29:32) emotional mood and how we handle that or don’t handle that sets the tone for the whole family I often describe it is that as women we are like the sun like the the sun in the sky We are like the sun and our husbands and kids are the earth and we revolve around us in our emotional mood We set the whole tone It’s why h about the other responsibilities and roles we have as a wife But the biggest one is being emotionally stable and emotionally regulated The second lifestyle change a woman must make to receive the benefit she seeks in marriage Number two you can no longer be selfish You must put the needs of the marriage before your (31:53) own An example which plays off of number one is when you come in the door leave your moodiness and challenges of the day at the door and be pleasant or when you anticipate y style change or changes in our behavior the change in the behavior is stop ordering Amazon every day Stop buying brandame clothes and makeup and hair products Can’t get your nails done every week Of course some might have the financial freedom in that but the average everyday person doesn’t But yet as women we will still act like we have all the money in the world and that we’re very wealthy when we’re not So you have to have a common financial interest (34:03) of creating financial security for care of ourselves one to feel good about (35:25) ourselves and to show our our husbands and our family in the marriage that they matter to us When you don’t take care of yourself the message you are sending your husband is I don’t care about you It’s another way that we are selfish So you have to prioritize your health and emotional well-being So things like going to the gym or engaging in a regular physical activity that you enjoy and can commit to not running on empty You have to spend time t some laps So I told my husband before I left to come here last Saturday I said “Hey uh just I’m going to go to the pool uh after after work and and go swim.” And he said (37:24) “Please do.” He said “That would I think that’d be a really good idea.” I said “Oh got it.” Uh so I went to the pool and I felt like a totally different person afterward Uh recharged plenty of energy And so the point in that story being that your husband as a good man wants you to do the things to care for yourself so t n the phone with your mother or sister or cousin or whoever three to four times a day I know that’s not the every woman but lots of women are constantly on the phone with their mothers or live right down the street from their mothers and it’s like the mother is part of the marriage Also means stop texting your (39:25) friends non-stop all day or having a million plans with your friends or having a large number of friends like you did when you were a teenager and in your 20s It’s not appropriate note too no going to bars with your single girlfriends or inappropriate settings or inappropriate settings for trips with your girlfriends or single girlfriends when you are married It’s disrespectful to your husband It puts you in a environment to be tempted by your human nature to go outside the marriage So plenty of videos on why women shouldn’t have male friends that you can go seek (41:29) out on the channel The fifth lifestyle change a woman must make to receive the benefit she seeks in a are very very controlling I have numerous episodes on this concept too and letting your husband lead The best one I believe that I’ve done so far is called submissive wife and it’s episode 37 under the live tab on the channel And those are the five lifestyle changes a woman must make to receive the benefit she seeks in a marriage I would also like to direct you for other roles and responsibilities we have as a wife in a marriage Um please check out episode 11 one of my first episodes how to be a band as a good man deserves that too And he’s going to be right there waiting to dance with you in his roles and (44:42) responsibilities as a husband And it’s just like a job that you embrace your role at your job and show up and hopefully do your best And it’s the same in marriage And then that gets us to having the dance In order to have the dance I talk about you have to embrace I hope that’s clear today You have to embrace your role as a wife So a little bit in speaking to the men and I’d l husband but you need to know as a good man even though you’re not perfect that you are well intended and naturally wired for your roles and responsibilities in the marriage And that if your wife was reasonable and worked with you in that (46:45) dance and her roles or her role in her responsibilities as a wife you would have a lovely lovely lovely marriage So you must know you’re not responsible for the way she is showing up The other piece I want to talk about in this is that again that the duh we have to build within ourselves and that that takes some time So the best a good man can hope for which you hit the jackpot if this is you is that you married a woman who is open-minded wants to work on herself and wants to change and is willing to put that investment of time into herself and then cross your fingers for how much she’s going to change and how much (48:54) character and integrity she can build The goal for a good man is to see the reality of his wife and her woman ways so that y und it helpful and valuable please hit the like button consider subscribing to the channel and consider sharing this with someone that you think could benefit from what I talked about today Uh and with that being said I’m going to hop on over into the chat um and take some questions Uh and Phil’s gonna send me some questions Thank you Phil Uh and then we’ll we’ll wrap up here in a little bit So all right Oh Oh what did I do Like here we go Okay Like I hope I’m still live Okay good It says I am A start with is going to be um from Logan uh last week Uh and then I just saw an (52:07) interesting uh interesting comment I like that I think newlyweds thanks raid gator I think newlyweds should be dropped in the middle of the woods and made to survive and depend upon each other and trust each other Then they get a crash course in marriage That’s that’s funny That’s a good idea Um all right so I’m going to head over Um yeah thanks Salty What’s going on Less than 50 likes Come on y’all Uh yeah i and women when their parents get a divorce what they want to do And it really boils down to a couple of things One is a a common concept that I teach So when your parents go through a (54:23) divorce no matter what age you are it is a loss It is a loss So when we go through a loss we go through grief And grief is a very common yet very challenging experience that we have as humans because we haven’t been given a very good road map of how to heal and overcome grief and loss Um I won’t go into th hat that does is makes the loss really really big and emotionally overwhelming which then makes it insurmountable to be able to heal and move through So the purpose of the concept of normalization is normalizing it To see your parents getting divorced is a common human experience that many many (56:39) many many people go through in life When we normalize a loss like divorce or even parents dying or loss of a job or um loss of financial status When we normalize loss and see it as part of the hum our excuse in life for why you are challenged and have a life of hardship and struggle And you will limit yourself in life and play small and be stuck in the emotional pain of your parents’ divorce Or you can go through it and can’t take responsibility to you’re not responsible for your parents’ divorce However you are responsible for your response and reaction to your parents’ divorce And knowing that you can say and can’t (59:19) take responsibility I’m going to take this as an opportunity to hat is up to you There’s a a quote that I really like from a a man named Victor Frankl who is a Holocaust survivor and he wrote a book I believe it’s called Man’s Search for Meaning something along those lines Help me out in the chat I know some of you know the title of it and there’s a quote from him that says between stimulus and response there is a space and in that space is my power to choose how I respond and show up I’m paraphrasing a little bit and in that choice is my power and freedom t let’s grow from these common issues Um a bless you Dean Thank you for sharing and I’m I’m so sorry uh for your loss My wife of 20 years divorced me for (1:02:32) 10 years of unhappiness Who knew Um I have sent her links to your channel only to be deleted Um I tried for her to love you as I do You are awesome Thank you so much Dean And again so sorry And but now you can know the reality if you know yourself as a good man Doesn’t mean you aren’t perfect and or doesn’t mean you’re not perfect Didn’ talk about in other women or other people And as women we don’t want the accountability to have to see it in ourselves because we perceive seeing these behaviors I talk about um as making us wrong and bad and very exposing which it is exposing Um and we (1:04:22) will do anything as women to not have to see ourselves as wrong or bad uh or having poor behaviors So yeah we often see it in other women and we I don’t haven’t I don’t think I’ve done a video on this how brutal we can be to each other very challenging So that’s why we have a a saying here uh where I work with my team Uh we didn’t create it of course but embrace the suck to grow and learn Uh and and to recognize you’re not the problem in that and that there’s nothing you can do to make your wife acknowledge her wrongdoings but you can accept the reality of that’s um that’s that’s her who she is um doesn’t (1:06:11) ne make it easier but it gives you a perspective to be able to hold your own and not get caught in the gaslightin e other questions here Thank you John Wayne I got John Wayne on the live Um but thank you for your questions Uh I’m not going to get to these today but I will copy and paste them um as I did that question from last week Um and and and potentially get to those So thanks for your patience and that All right guys I think I’m gonna just check over here real quick Um lots going on in the chat I’m not going to be able to keep up Um let’s look at this real quick Thank you Living Near Dallas Texas (1:08 ext Saturday and but I’ll see you I’ll see you in two weeks and I look (1:09:27) forward to it very much All right see you guys later”