5 Reasons Why Your Wife Is
Always Moving the Goal Post
THE TRAP:
MEN get sucked into the Trap thinking there’s something THEY CAN DO to solve the problem of their wife’s unhappiness.
The belief that I can make you happy, or that you can make me happy plays into a victim mentality that is not healthy for either person to walk in.
In essence, nothing a man can do, can fix his wife’s unhappiness. If the wife does not want to be happy inside herself, nothing you can do on the outside, can fix what’s missing on the inside.
The truth be told: a man cannot fix his wife’s unhappiness, nor can a woman fix a man’s unhappiness.
If we marry an unhappy spouse, there is nothing we can do to change them.
The only thing we can do is change ourselves. If either person shows up in the relationship with an immature mindset, and an immature false emotional belief system, that person is going to remain unhappy in themselves for as long as they believe it is someone else’s duty to make them happy.
Again, someone with an immature mindset and an infantile immature false emotional belief system— is going to remain unhappy in themselves for as long as they believe it is someone else’s duty to make them happy.
So mark this down: We cannot make each other happy. To believe we can is a false belief system. That in itself, in time, is guaranteed to make us unhappy. That is codependence. It is an illusion that needs to be exposed.
Sure, you can fake being happy in the short run, but in the long run as soon as problems, trials, and tribulations threaten your happiness— they will pop the bubble on your illusion, and then you won’t be able to hide behind your own delusion.
When real problems, arise, you will need something much deeper, stronger, and more lasting than little surface level false beliefs, that you used to think could make you happy.
If I am constantly getting mentally and emotionally bent out of shape about the dust on the floor, the height of the toilet seat, the color of the paint, the length of my hair, or the length of the grass, the temperature of the air, and the style and decoration of my clothes, my car, and my house, my lawn, etc., … If I am continuously making mountains out of mole hills…. How will I ever handle all the real Biblical trials and tribulations, that God has promised, shall befall all those who Will live godly, and walk faithfully to proclaim his word, and his truth to this generation?
Is this not the core teaching of Christ to His Apostles, and his apostles unto us, regarding ALL our faith based relationships?
12 Yea, and ALL that will live godly in Christ Jesus shall suffer persecution.
10 Blessed are they which are persecuted for righteousness’ sake: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
11 Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you, and persecute you, and shall say ALL manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake.
12 Rejoice, and be exceeding glad: for great is your reward in heaven: for so persecuted they the prophets which were before you.
If I am worried about my wife, making me happy, and I am worried about myself making my wife happy, how am I going to handle this when my faith throws both me and her in jail? Not for any wrongdoing in myself, but for simply being a faithful witness to proclaim God’s word with boldness, righteousness and truth to all who are lost and headed for hell and eternal damnation?
What happens when I have to face being flogged for his name? When I have to face being thrown in prison, or tortured, being crucified, beheaded, or burned at the stake? How will I be able to make my wife happy in those circumstances?
How can a man fulfill duty to serve Christ with his whole heart, especially while he is enduring, and persevering under the thumb of persecution, and still be making sure his wife is happy? The raw uncomfortable truth is, he cannot make his wife happy, especially during seasons of persecution and tribulation. It is his wife’s duty to find her own sense of happiness, importance, and value in the gospel, and in relationship to God, and not in her exterior circumstances.
Throughout history, under many evil, governments and wicked kingdoms, Christians have been prosecuted and executed–for believing in, trusting him, following, and obeying Christ. Often times the persecutors will threaten to attack a man’s children, or a man’s wife in order to force him to recant his faith in Christ. If such a man has trained his wife, and his children, that he is the one responsible for their happiness: Will he not be forced to betray his Lord and Savior in order to save his family?
In such a scenario, the head of the household puts the entire family at risk of eternally perishing, because he tried to live out a lie: that it was his responsibility, to make his wife happy. And to be perfectly straight and honest, that mindset does not come from the word of God. How can it? It directly opposes what the word of God has commanded.
You and I, need to decide whether we are going to choose to be happy, and bring our Choice to be happy to the table in our relationships. And we only have a limited amout of time to do this. The longer we put off the decision, the deeper we can fall into the trap, the lie, and the demonic scheme to become disillusioned with ourselves and our partners, and with God.
We have a daily choice to make: Are we going to show up and be ready to face any real problems, any real threats, any real enemies in our relationship with one another?
Are we going to show up ready and willing to me any challenge and overcome any obstacle?
Showing up and being ready to handle any problem, address any threat to our relationship–is a daily, yeah, hourly decision we alone must choose to take. Will we be perfect at it? Not by a long shot, especially if we are just learning about it. But practice makes perfect. Over time we will get better and better at it. Right? Of course Right!
The more we grow in maturity, the more we can bless and faithfully serve one another. Our joy will soon blossom in the joy of giving–not the joy of getting. Whatever we get will be icing on the cake, but whatever we choose to give in a spirit of maturity, faithfulness, gratitude, joy, from our own inner happiness, will become like an inexhaustible river, that can never be dried up, and it can never be taken away from us–because it comes from the inexhaustible nature of God.
We need to be a perpetually and permanently prepared to handle any and every mental and emotional position. That is our commitment to ourselves and God first, and then to one another. That is our choice to show up happy. To show up confident. To show up and be ready to defeat every lie. To show up: Hopeful, resilient, giving the benefit of the doubt, free from fear, free from bitterness, free from resentment, free from unforgiveness, free from past hurts, free from blame, free from the insanity of miscommunication, misinformation, malicious accusation, and every perversion of healthy communication.
When we are happy in ourselves, we can handle any problem that we have to face in our marriage, in our family, in our business, in our health, in our faith, and in our world.
Any problem that faces your life, now becomes a challenge to mature, to grow, a problem to solve, to become greater than you were before you met the challenge.
2 My brethren, count it ALL joy when ye fall into divers temptations [of every kind]; 3 Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. 4 But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire [complete], wanting [or lacking] nothing.
If I believe, it is the responsibility of some other person, other than myself, to make me happy, chances are good that I will make both myself and the other person miserable in the process of them trying to make me happy–as soon as I get a pimple on my face.
If I refuse make that choice: Any little trial that I face can pop the bubble on my delusion, that it is other people’s responsibility to make me happy.
That’s when we will truly need to decide, whether we are going to choose to put someone else in charge of our happiness (victim mentality), or choose to decide we have the power in ourselves to decide that outward circumstances will not dictate our internal reality.
Any little trial that we faceo be happy, and bring your happiness Choice happiness and your illusion,
Nothing a man can do, can fix his wife’s unhappiness, and vice versa.
Here is why it is such a seductive trap …
Summary:
The only unhappiness problem a man can fix in his marriage, is his own unhappiness.
The only unhappiness problem a woman can fix in her marriage, is her own unhappiness.
Happiness is a choice
And so is unhappiness. It is a choice.
No matter how hard you try to make someone else happy, you cannot do it. If another person does not want to be happy, all the gifts, all the service, all the care in the world cannot make them happy. All of that is an allusion. It is a trap. It is a lie.
It is a lie to believe that I can make you happy. It is a lie to believe that you can make me happy. You can’t. I can’t. We cannot make each other happy. We can only make ourselves happy. And we can bring that happiness into our relationship. That is what we CAN do.
- (00:00 – 01:26) The Trap of Unhappiness
- Men often fall into the trap of trying to “fix” their wife’s unhappiness, believing they are the cause.
- When they ask how to help, they receive vague or shifting responses, leading to frustration.
- (01:26 – 02:54) Reason #1: Lack of Self-Understanding
- Many women don’t truly know what they need in a relationship.
- Because they haven’t figured out their own needs, no action from their husband ever feels enough.
- (02:54 – 03:41) Reason #2: Desire to Stay in “Camp Victim”
- Some women prefer to hold onto problems to maintain a victim narrative.
- This prevents them from taking responsibility and keeps the blame on their husbands.
- (03:41 – 05:13) Reason #3: Emasculation Tactic
- Constantly shifting expectations serves as a way to undermine their husbands.
- This weakens men’s confidence, making them feel like they are never good enough.
- (05:13 – 07:32) Reason #4: Unfair Play & Changing Rules
- Women often don’t keep their word regarding what will make them happy.
- They set standards for their husbands that they don’t hold themselves to, creating double standards.
- (07:32 – 08:50) Reason #5: Avoidance of Accountability
- If their stated problems were truly solved, they would need to confront their own unhappiness.
- Moving the goalpost allows them to avoid personal responsibility and change.
- (09:26 – 10:00) Solution & Courses Offered
- A “Happiness Program” is available for women who want to work on themselves.
- A “Marriage Rescue Course” is available for men seeking to regain confidence and navigate their relationship effectively.
transcript.
Feel free to edit this into neat coherent sentences. (Send me a copy if you do. Shalom!)
Title: “5 Reasons Why Your Wife Is Always Moving the Goal Post”
Transcript: “(00:00) a lot of men actually hear from your wife Omar I’m unhappy and you get sucked into the Trap thinking there’s something you can do to solve that unhappiness which is the Trap she is setting for you so you ask the question what do you need me to do what can I do to solve this issue what can I do to make you happy and she’s going to respond in one of two ways the first if you really loved me you would know or the second most common response that men hear when they ask what can I do what can I do to solve this problem what (00:38) can I do for you to be happy I shouldn’t have to tell you you should just know if you do get a response from your wife and she tells you something you could do then you are met with you didn’t do it right or you didn’t do it enough and she’s still unhappy and then moves the goalpost further and this is the the cycle and trap that as women we put our husbands through and the trap that good men get sucked into thinking that they are the source of their wife’s unhappiness and the delusion that there’s something you (01:26) can do to make her happy so where I was would like to go is five reasons why your wife keeps moving the goalpost and for the women listening five reasons why we move the goalpost and and stemming from our unhappiness so the first reason why as women we keep moving the goalpost and for the men listening why your wife keeps moving the goalpost number one as women we do not even know ourselves well enough to know what our needs are in a relationship so in that men are our sold and from us as women and marriage counselors and (02:11) books that they need to understand our needs in the relationship but the truth is because we don’t know ourselves and because we’re unwilling to do the very things that we’re asking our husbands to do for us we’re not willing to do for ourselves we have no needs and a relationship because we don’t even know what those needs are and if our husband tries to meet those needs we’re still unhappy we still are empty we still feel unloved uncared for misunderstood not hard and so the goalpost keeps moving number two of why as women we keep (02:54) moving the goalpost we don’t want the problem solved we want to stay in Camp victim we don’t want the problem solved we want to stay in Camp victim it’s the problems in the marriage all the things that we think our our husbands aren’t doing or that they need to change or if they would do everything would be fine and we would be happy but the truth is we want all of those problems because it validates our victim story of why we are so unhappy how we’ve picked the wrong man or are living on the fence thinking the grass is greener somewhere else that (03:41) it’s the marriage and our husbands that are the problem so having the problems in the issues there allows us to stay in Camp victim never taking responsibility if our needs were met and if the things we asked of our husband to do that we say will solve the problem and made us happy if those actually met our needs we would have nothing to be upset over and the problems would be solved the third reason why the goalpost is always moving it is an emasculation tactic the goalpost moving is another emasculation tactic we use as (04:28) women to make our husbands wrong and to weaken them that no matter what our husbands do and and meeting our ever growing List of Demands and expectations in the marriage no matter what they do it’s never good enough It’s never enough it’s never right we let them know that either verbally or with our looks or still constantly being unhappy and moving the goal post further and having more things we need them to do to fulfill Us in some way which never does so as the goalpost keeps moving what’s happening for a good (05:13) man is that’s breaking them down and a good man internalizes that they are the problem and there’s something they’re doing wrong that they can never get it right and never get it enough or good enough and that’s where a good man lives so it the the emasculation tactic works and the goalpost always moving for them to feel weakened in themselves and that they are always wrong number four as women we don’t play fair we do not play fair and and our husbands know this they know that they can’t trust us to keep our word (06:00) or to follow through on our part of the bargain because in being unhappy and not feeling good about ourselves and putting the responsibility of our happiness outside of us on our husbands we have no character and integrity to follow through on our word our word of of what we tell our husbands even in if you just spoke My love language this would make me feel safe and secure and emotionally supported in the relationship as an example that our word in that of that solving any kind of problem has no meaning because then shortly after we’ve (06:46) created another demand another expectation that we need our husbands to do to solve the problems and make us happy so in that our word has no meaning so our husbands can’t trust us and our lack of character and integrity cuz as women we change the rules whenever we want and we don’t follow our own rules we live in such a twisted web of double standards in our relationship of of what we expect our husbands to do that we don’t hold ourselves to the same standard and ever follow through so we don’t play we don’t play fair and the rules are (07:32) always changing we can just say well I changed my mind I thought that would solve it but it doesn’t and oh well and so the goalpost moves further the fifth reason that the goalpost is always moving is that as women number five as women we don’t want to be accountable we do not want to be accountable so the goalpost moves because we don’t want to have to be accountable to change that if a good man solved the problem by what we’re asking them to do then we would have to look at ourselves again as to why we are so (08:13) unhappy but also to change our behaviors when we’re upset because we think our husbands are the problem in making us unhappy so if we ask our husbands for example and you know if you could pick up your laundry at the end of the day and put it away that would be really help me out we’d have to be accountable to change to stop nagging them and we don’t want to look at ourselves and we don’t want to be accountable to change so that’s part of why the goalpost always moves because of our husbands if what we ask our husbands to do actually work to (08:50) solve the problems and make us happy we’d also have to be accountable to change we’d also have to be accountable to look at ourselves and what isn’t in me that I can never seem to be happy that nothing he he does is ever enough I’m the common denominator in that he’s doing what I’m asking him to do yet here I am still unhappy so what’s that in me so we keep moving the goalpost hello again thank you so much for taking the time to watch today for those women listening who know you are the problem and you want a path forward to change (09:26) your woman ways and truly be happy in yourself I have a course for women called the happiness program and the happiness program teaches you to resolve the unhealthy relationship you have with yourself so that you can be the solution to the issues and challenges in your marriage and your life you can find the link in the description below to learn more about the course and apply to enroll for the good men listening who want a way to take back the power you’ve unknowingly given away to your wives I also have a course for you called the (10:00) marriage rescue course for good men only and the course teaches you how to rebuild your strength and confidence so that you can navigate the relationship with your wife in a healthy constructive way again you can find the link below in the description to learn more about the course and apply to enroll again thank you so much for watching today and I look forward to seeing you again soon”
For many years, I believed this lie* and suffered much because of it. (I basically drove myself crazy because of this lie. That is so sad to realize, yet, so gratifying to be free from.)
I thank God that this is being exposed in my own heart and life, and that it can never have power over my emotions and my thoughts and my actions as long as I choose not to let it.
I apologize to you for my own immaturity in following this false belief system, allowing it to poison our relationship.
Thankfully, this false belief system has been exposed, and whatever happens in the future, it will not have power to destroy like it has done so much in the past.
It is sad that it’s taken this long to figure this out.
All I can say is that I am so glad God has turned on the light and exposed the darkness. I hope this will make sense to you …
this lie* : it is my responsibility to make my wife happy, and if for some reason my wife is unhappy, it is my fault.