The Harmful Fantasy about Love

 

“A woman’s fantasy about love actually leads to the breakdown of marriage.”

“In this episode, I will discuss the illusion of love and the vicious behavior it brings out of women when the fantasy is shattered.”

–Karyn Seitz 

 

• Women engage in “withholding” behaviors as retaliation when their romantic expectations aren’t met.
• Top five ways women withhold:
  1. Sex
  2. Affection
  3. Playfulness
  4. Respect
  5. Femininity (e.g., neglecting appearance)

• Cultural ideas of love rely on another person making us feel loved, which is unsustainable.

• This expectation leads to disappointment and emotional emptiness when those feelings fade.

 

[ TONS of Modern Therapy, Christian counseling, marriage books, Christian seminars, pulpit preaching, as well as marital and social discontent are based on propping up the LIE behind the fantasy of love. The damage this fantasy has done is unfathomable. TD]

 

 

 

Summary of “LOVE IS A FANTASY | The Happy Wife School Show Ep.8”

1. (00:04) Introduction & Topic Overview
   • Host Karyn Seitz introduces the topic, “Love is a Fantasy,” emphasizing how unrealistic expectations contribute to marital breakdowns.
   • Mentions inspiration from the romcom Practical Magic, which portrays idealized love.
2. (04:15) The Concept of Love as a Fantasy
   • Cultural ideas of love rely on another person making us feel loved, which is unsustainable.
   • This expectation leads to disappointment and emotional emptiness when those feelings fade.
3. (05:55) The Codependency of Love
   • People seek love to fill personal voids, making love dependent on external validation.
   • The “honeymoon phase” is proof that romantic love is fleeting and not a permanent state.
4. (12:08) Differences Between Men and Women in Love
   • Women romanticize love and seek fulfillment through relationships.
   • Men, on the other hand, desire respect, affection, and stability rather than grand romantic gestures.
5. (20:27) The Reality of Marriage & Divorce Trends
   • Many women leave marriages seeking renewed romantic excitement, often under false beliefs about “true love.”
   • The high divorce rate reflects the unrealistic expectations placed on relationships.
6. (33:43) The Concept of Withholding in Relationships
   • Women engage in “withholding” behaviors as retaliation when their romantic expectations aren’t met.
   • Top five ways women withhold:
     1. Sex
     2. Affection
     3. Playfulness
     4. Respect
     5. Femininity (e.g., neglecting appearance)
7. (45:38) How Women’s Unrealistic Expectations Hurt Marriages
   • Constant demands and emotional withholding make good men feel inadequate.
   • Many women unknowingly emasculate their husbands by diminishing their confidence.
8. (52:38) Self-Awareness as a Solution
   • Both men and women must take responsibility for their happiness instead of relying on their partner.
   • Women need to acknowledge their behaviors and change their approach to relationships.
9. (56:11) How Men Can Reclaim Their Strength
   • Men should stop seeking validation from women and regain personal confidence.
   • This shift allows women to recognize their own destructive behaviors and take accountability.
10. (1:01:40) Closing Remarks
    • Encourages viewers to challenge societal narratives about love.
    • Announces the next live session and thanks the audience for engaging.

 

 

The essential lie behind the fantasy of love is based on the idea that I deserve to get what I want. And if you don’t give it to me, somebody else will. It supports the lie that I should give to get. Or that I should just get, because I deserve it. But, the whole idea of getting something from someone else in a relationship (in this life) is somewhat antithetical to the gospel of Jesus Christ. Those who are in the kingdom of God, are motivated by the rewards of heaven. Those who are living in, and living for, the kingdom of this world, are motivated by the rewards of this world, which are fleeting, deceptive, selfish, and addicting.

Those who pursue the rewards of this world in the midst of their marriage vows, will be at odds in the midst of their Christian, biblical covenant relationship with God and Christ. Because the two actually oppose one another.

See below–1 Corinthians 7:10-40.  TD

 

Luke 14:26-27 (KJV)

26 If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple.

27 And whosoever doth not bear his cross, and come after me, cannot be my disciple.

 

Here are some scriptures that support the idea that you cannot serve Christ and yourself or this world at the same time:

1. Matthew 6:24
   “No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon.”

2. Luke 16:13
   “No servant can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon.”

3. 1 John 2:15-17
   “Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world. If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world.”

4. James 4:4
   “Ye adulterers and adulteresses, know ye not that the friendship of the world is enmity with God? whosoever therefore will be a friend of the world is the enemy of God.”

5. Matthew 6:33
   “But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.”

   This verse emphasizes prioritizing God’s kingdom over worldly concerns.

6. Romans 12:2
   “And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.”

   This verse encourages transformation away from worldly patterns.

These scriptures highlight the importance of prioritizing service to God over worldly or selfish interests.

 

Timestamps:

1. 0:00 Welcome and Introduction
2. 4:09  Love Is a Fantasy
3. 27:39 Livechat Comments
4. 31:17 Withholding
5. 56:36 Questions and Comments

 

 

Below is the true un-fantasy of scripture concerning
marriage relationships in the Lord Jesus Christ.   TD

1 Corinthians 7:10-40 (KJV)

10 And unto the Married I Command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the Wife Depart from her Husband:

11 But and if she Depart, let her Remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her Husband: and let not the Husband put away his Wife.

12 But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a Wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away. 13 And the Woman which hath an Husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him. 14 For the unbelieving Husband is sanctified by the Wife, and the unbelieving Wife is sanctified by the Husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy. 15 But if the unbelievingDepart, let him Depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace. 16 For what knowest thou, O Wife, whether thou shalt save thy Husband? or how knowest thou, O Man, whether thou shalt save thy Wife?

17 But as God hath distributed to every Man, as the Lord hath called every one, so let him walk. And so ordain I in all churches. 18 Is any Man called being circumcised? let him not become uncircumcised. Is any called in uncircumcision? let him not be circumcised. 19 Circumcision is nothing, and uncircumcision is nothing, but the keeping of the Commandments of God. 20 Let every Man abide in the same calling wherein he was called. 21 Art thou called being a Servant? care not for it: but if thou mayest be made free, use it rather. 22 For he that is called in the Lord, being a Servant, is the Lord‘s freeman: likewise also he that is called, being free, is Christ‘s Servant. 23 Ye are bought with a price; be not ye the servants of men. 24 Brethren, let every Man, wherein he is called, therein abide with God.

25 Now concerning Virgins I have no Commandment of the Lord: yet I give my judgment, as one that hath obtained mercy of the Lord to be faithful. 26 I suppose therefore that this is good for the present distress, I say, that it is good for a Man so to be. 27 Art thou bound unto a Wife? seek not to be loosed. Art thou loosed from a Wife? seek not a Wife. 28 But and if thou Marry, thou hast not sinned; and if a Virgin Marry, she hath not sinned. Nevertheless such shall have trouble in the Flesh: but I spare you.

29 But this I say, brethren, the time is short: it Remaineth, that both they that have wives be as though they had none; 30 And they that weep, as though they wept not; and they that rejoice, as though they rejoiced not; and they that buy, as though they possessed not; 31 And they that use this world, as not abusing it: for the fashion of this world passeth away.

32 But I would have you without carefulness. He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord: 33 But he that is Married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please his Wife. 34 There is difference also between a Wife and a Virgin. The unmarried Woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in Spirit: but she that is Married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her Husband.

35 And this I speak for your own profit; not that I may cast a snare upon you, but for that which is comely, and that ye may attend upon the Lord without distraction.

36 But if any Man think that he behaveth himself uncomely toward his Virgin, if she pass the flower of her age, and need so require, let him do what he will, he sinneth not: let them Marry. 37 Nevertheless he that standeth stedfast in his heart, having no necessity, but hath power over his own will, and hath so decreed in his heart that he will keep his Virgin, doeth well. 38 So then he that giveth her in marriage doeth well; but he that giveth her not in marriage doeth better.

39 The Wife is bound by the law as long as her Husband liveth; but if her Husband be dead, she is at liberty to be Married to whom she will; only in the Lord. 40 But she is happier if she so abide, after my judgment: and I think also that I have the Spirit of God.

 

 

You will notice that as usual the word of God cuts through the idolatry of man. It opposes the fantasies, promoted by men and women. It exposes the lies, the deception, and the evil behavior of the heart. And it commands us to draw near to God and put the world behind us, while running into the kingdom of God before us.  TD

 

 

Title: “LOVE IS A FANTASY | The Happy Wife School Show Ep.8”

Transcript: “(00:04)

We’re live. Hi everybody…

I’m really excited to get into our topic today, which is love is a fantasy…

Thank you guys so much for being here Troy Michael.

Yes steo we’ll talk about talk about that uh soon That’s a classic example uh of emasculation.

so (00:48) another topic for another time but I do have some plans uh for a video on the Will Smith situation um yes we’re going to have more lessons in in women’s Behavior today.

Troy uh your comment really made me laugh I saw that pop up before I went live today uh Troy says heads up I’ll be identifying as a woman today just to even out the statistics.

I had a good good hearty laugh at that and thank you uh fry for letting me know that the sound is good that’s always appreciated uh on the side of things so thank you guys very much for being here I’m going (01:28) to as I I typically do put the chat box down for a little bit uh and I will check it again in between our two topics today so let’s let’s dive in let’s get into the first one so love is a fantasy love is a fantasy and the reason I want to talk about this what um brought this up why I wanted to do this as a topic um this is something that I I teach and and the other the other topic we will we get in today uh for the second segment of the show is withholding and how these two go together and so um the reason I (02:11) wanted to talk about these the first one that love is a fantasy I love fall uh fall is my favorite season and over here in Colorado we are having a gorgeous and uh unusually long fall which I’m really really grateful for and there are some movies that I like to watch in the they’re just nostalgic for me uh that I grew up watching and one of those movies is actually a romcom and I was a big Sandra Bullock fan uh and she has a fall movie called Practical Magic and it is she creates the spell of of meeting this (02:50) perfect perfect man that is exactly who she wants him to be and makes her feel all the feelings of the of love and romantic love and uh I was watching that last weekend and decided that this is what I wanted to do uh for this show today so that’s that’s my inspiration to talk about love being a fantasy and our fantasy of love as women is really what leads to the breakdown of a marriage with a good man and that’s what we’re going to get into and and what I’m talking about in this segment about love and our cultural concept of (03:33) Love is a universal Human Experience that the challenge with our concept of Love is a universal Human Experience so what I’m talking about in this segment actually applies to both men and women in just our human experience yet how we experience and express these differences or Express our notion or understanding of lo ve as humans is expressed very differently as men and women and I will get into those differences but what we have to understand just right out of right out of the gate is that love and our concept (04:15) of love in our culture and as humans is not love at all it is actually what I call the absence of love and the reason that why we what we call love is not love at all is because it is dependent what we what we think of as love is dependent on another person making us feel those feelings of lov e which can never last because no one is capable of making those feelings of love last for another person it’s impossible and the reason that we have this notion of love as humans of one another to make us feel loved in who we (05:11) are is actually based on our own human emptiness that we all have every one of us as women and men if we slow down If we’re honest if we’re willing to be introspective and reflect we can all know that we have this emptiness and void within us that we are constantly looking for people and things and attachments and identities of who we are to fill that emptiness in ourselves it’s just it’s our human condition and one of those ways that we want that emptiness and void filled in us as humans is to feel loved and to have (05:55) another make us feel loved which is imp possible because like I said maintaining those feelings of love from another person is not sustainable and it is ba actually based on codependency that as long as you make me feel these feelings of love then I will feel loved but as soon as you do not then I don’t feel loved so those feelings of love are dependent on another person and those feelings are a temporary fleeting experience and we all know that that’s why the beginning of how we feel in the in in a relationship (06:41) that honeymoon phase we all know eventually that it’s going to fade that it can’t last we know that and that’s because those feelings are not real and they are not sustainable so the reality of Falling in Lov e is based on someone trying to fill that void and emptiness that we feel as humans with how they make us feel and that’s why we have phrases in our culture the classic Jerry Maguire quote you complete me right you complete me or you’re my everything or you’re my moon and my stars or I’m lost without you that you are everything to me (07:30) and that’s not possible think about the pressure and the expectations that that creates for another to make us feel this way that and then and then the code erson to fill that emptiness and void in us and make us feel loved is because we do not have love for our elves we do not do the things for ourselves in our lives to fill that void and emptiness with our own love it’s really important to understand too that when I talk about finding that love within yourself I am not talking about what we see as the the commodity in our culture of self-love which is based on (08:52) being gentle with yourself and kind to yourself and loving yourself that’s not h ‘s (10:08) really how we have to fill that void and emptiness and we’re going to get in how do we do that I’m going to get into that when I get to the solution today but now that we understand that and we understand what we want love to be is really an absence of love in ourselves let’s look at those differences between women and men and our univers experience of having that emptiness within us and wanting someone else to fill that with making us feel loved so as women I’m going to talk about wo men as women are whole Paradigm of life our whole Paradigm of Life of what we feel is going to bring us meaning and purpose of what’s going (12:08) to fill us and make us happy and be our source of happiness is romantic love that’s what we grow up daydreaming and fantasizing about is being in love one day and that that is going to complete us that that is going to be what gives us meaning and purpose so as little girls we dream of the wedding day we play wedding with our our our friends and and e beginning of a relationship that that’s really what love is supposed to be and a man is supposed to be able to have the capacity to provide us with those feelings and meet those expectations that we have of Love That is a fantasy it does not exist (14:24) that’s why those feelings Never Last they’re temporary and fleeting is because it’s imp possible to make them last because it’s a fantasy and we have to understand that and that’s where men and women very much differ in those fantasies as wom they are as men and men have very practical reasonable expectations of how to be loved in that way in a relationship which comes through respect affection and sex that that’s how a man feels validated and respected for who he is as a man and so a man’s fantasy of Love isn’t the romantic love sadly a man’s fantasy of love that doesn’t get fulfilled that’s that’s the (16:40) sad part because it’s very reasonable that good men are simple they don’t need much to feel loved in a relationship but a m erent path in perspective that as women our inability to accept ourselves our inability to love ourselves and who we are isn’t because of our past it’s not our upbringing it’s not your relationship with your mother or your father it’s not your past relationships with men that’s not the problem if we look at those things that that’s the problem of why we can’t accept ourselves that’s why we can’t be happy that’s why we can’t love ourselves we will always be trapped I had to see and get another op he time that our fantasy of romantic love doesn’t exist and it fades away and it’s a temporary feeling we (20:27) know that we know the reality of of how much couples struggle and how unhappy couples are and and how unhappy marriages are and the divorce rate that we have in our country and around the world it’s very clear the evidence is right there in front of our face that the romantic love does not exist but the cognitive distances that that we we believe and continue to want to believe in sp energy of new Love and romantic love of the passion and the excitement and the the Bliss and the butterflies and that’s where we will leave our marriages and leave our husbands and often times we have met (22:16) someone else and whether we’re having a full-on affair or having an emotional affair we’ve met someone else that has stirred all those false feelings of love up again and we believe that it’s real and we will divorce and we will leave thinking we finally found it and then we’re disillus path that actually works for us to mature to take responsibility again I feel very very blessed blessed in myself to have found that path and and and in my beliefs I believe God put that on my path for me to learn so that I can bring this out to other men and women but women we have to see these things so that we can understand how we are living (24:14) in this cognitive dissonance of the fantasy of love and like I said in the thumbnail of the video it’s time to grow up and stop the fairy tale i urse that we find that love within ourselves it’s the Journey of being happy which I Define as having a healthy relationship with ourselves it is learning to take accountability and responsibility for ourselves it’s the process of building Integrity in who we are and holding ourselves to a standard of having High character and that’s the process that I teach and it it’s learning to develop High emotional intelligence to be in control of our emotional state and through that process we feel good a e matter and that we have the strength within ourselves and I believe that God (27:23) made us the way he made us as men and women and the Dynamics that we have in relationship with each other that he made us that way to grow and learn to self-actualize into the best version of ourselves and again very blessed to have that path for me so that’s what I wanted to teach about the fantasy of love and that’s going to set us up to go into what I wrote in the description of this of this live is how the e quieter in the comment section but I’ve had a lot of women reaching out lately whose husbands didn’t share my videos with them and they were uh one woman I spoke to actually today she said (29:03) uh yeah I was really frustrated and upset the first couple times that I watched but I couldn’t deny the truth and what you were saying and I could see myself in it um and she was very open-minded and and wants to change and wants to take the path I’ve taken to outgrow those women ways so the women ar e Fades uh but being respected uh can last that’s that is that’s a good man’s idea of of what love is um is feeling that respect so thank you guys so much uh again for being here and being engaged and chatting with each other um I’m going to go ahead and hop in hop into the next subject take a sip of water (31:03) first and the whole purpose of that first segment about the fantasy of Love uh was to set a step to go into the second segment uh which is about withholding uh and that brings every ti go good men because they do not have this behavior in themselves as good men and it’s very difficult for a good man to hear and understand um and that for women this again this is is the red pill we have to take to see the truth of our woman ways so that we can change when our husbands can’t live up to the fantasy of our expectations of how they are supposed to make us feel to make us feel those romantic ideals of love when they can’t live up to that because it’s impossible (33:43) again it’s ba s humans when we understand how we (35:38) show up and how we behave in relationships it gives us the opportunity it gives us the choice to actually learn to live from the true nature of who we are in our softness in our lovliness and our ability to be kind and thoughtful and and and lovely and the loveliest parts of our women ways we have to know these things I had to know this behavior in myself of withholding and how I operated in my marriage with my husband before before I learned this thing umanness this is just a shortcoming that we have as a human and as a woman so that we can change and I was so grateful to understand myself and how I withheld (37:43) from my husband how I withheld in previous relationships how I withheld um my relationship with my dad because this Behavior withholding is how we retaliate against people when we feel that they are not making us feel loved and we retaliate the worst against our husbands so what do we withhold what do we withhold as women when we f our husbands but we are like dead fish and there’s no engagement and there’s no we’re not there and that is also withholding number two I’m going to go over the top five ways that we withhold as women the number one being sex the second that we (39:55) withhold is affection and different than sex affection is rubbing your husband’s neck while he’s driving you know and I might pinch my husband on his butt and and be playful in that way or cuddling while while we’re watching a movie or cuddling fo ay back with my husband and I treated him like he was immature and that he needed to grow up and it’s it’s crushing to them it’s absolutely crushing because they can’t understand what happened to the woman I married that likeed to have fun and would be playful I don’t understand what I did wrong and so it’s a huge blessing to see this now and to have re-engaged (42:04) with myself and re-engage with my husband to be playful with him again because it’s so important to him and it’s simple and why spect which is very important to a man in a relationship as someone said in the comments it’s some more that is their way of being loved is being validated through respect and we withhold respect and that can look like bit pardon my language bitching about our husbands to our girlfriends um bitching about our husbands to their mother which is one of the biggest ways we can be disrespectful not being honest uh about the budget or honest about money (44:10) um saying horrible things that we think ‘t know all of them because quite frankly they don’t work um (45:38) The Love Languages and and just the Myriad of Demands and expectations that we have and we give them and a good man will try to do those things but because we have that emptiness and lack of Love within ourselves no matter what they do it can’t be done the right way and it can never be enough and then a good man buys into our blame through the withholding that they are the problem and there’s something wrong with them that they ain these are the behaviors we have to to see we have to get exposed so we know what we actually have to work on and what we actually have to change if we ever hope to be (47:27) happy if we ever hope to feel loved if we ever hope to have a healthy marriage and a healthy relationship with a good man so men and then I’m going to get to solution men I know how crushing this this can be to know that that your wife or your partner or women or your mother do this consciously and maliciously good men because I feel so blessed to have him now and so blessed for his patience as I needed to come around luckily we were only married a year when I found this path and began to change we’ve been married 10 years now um and we have a beautiful marriage and he always asks what are you talking (49:22) about tomorrow he gets so excited uh what’s on your live show tomor tomorrow so I was sharing a little bit about it and he’s learned this too uh through my mentor and he was like oo that’s a tough one I he first segment I truly firmly believe we were made in the way that we were made as women and men by God so that we can learn and grow from our limitations and shortcomings our limitation and shortcoming as women is the wickedness and how we respond from our emptiness in ourselves and our own lack of love in ourselves and when men’s limitations and shortcomings from their human emptiness comes from acquiescing to a (51:23) woman and unknowingly giving away their power that then allows them to b sbands for that emptiness within (52:38) ourselves that lack of Love within ourselves and so we feel Justified and entitled and we lack self-awareness to be honest with ourselves about what we’re doing and how cruel it is so that’s why I am here and and what I was blessed with is is to have that red pill to see that truth of our woman ways because then we can do something about it and we can change and what we have to understand is we’re placing our happiness our sense of being loved in another’ masculation and withholding as another form of that to expose those weaknesses and limitations within yourself so that you can strength in yourself as a man (54:26) and rebuild and gain your confidence and sense of being a man so that your wife or mother or woman in your life can no longer withhold or the withholding that that we do can no longer make you feel diminished and devastated as a man and as for women and for men both of these processes again is how we feel the emptiness in us as human yourself as a man for yourself but what happens is you take that power power back you find that strength within yourself again your wife can no longer emasculate you and it can also give her the opportunity to then step up in the relationship because she realizes that the her games and her tricks and (56:11) manipulations are no longer working and she can see the error of her ways and it gives her the opportunity to show up in her own goodness so again I like to tell men you did not marry the w e truth of our ways and unfortunately it’s like the biggest uh what’s the word the biggest um wool being pulled over so society’s eyes I would say I guess to to really see women and our behavior for how we are uh our Behavior gets validated and therapists are trained and coaches are trained in a totally different perspective which is really a victim perspective um that it it’s about looking at our childhood it’s about looking um at our relationship with our (58:22) parents and as as women we are other thing we withhold is um our femininity and (59:45) dressing up and all of the sudden we get married and the honeymoon phase is over and we pulling our hair up in buns and wearing sweatpants or yoga clothes all the time um and I’ve taught women and they laugh about that like oh yeah I did I yeah I did that and we laugh and and I’ve had to be very Frank to say no stop laughing this is not funny uh this is very cruel and vicious behavior and there’s just not a lot of perspective out there bec ch a great and for ative presentation Karen thank you uh you are welcome um and awesome all right I think I’m gonna wrap up for today I look forward to seeing you guys next week I’ll be back um (1:01:40) typically depending on my schedule um I’ll either be live at 11 Mountain time I’m in Denver 11 Mountain time which one eastern time in the states um or noon Mountain Time 2 o’clock Eastern time next Saturday day uh so I look forward to seeing you guys then I hope you have”

 

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