Title: “5 Ways Women Make Their Husbands Withdraw”

Transcript: (00:00)

Fve ways women push our husbands away, so that they do withdraw.

Number one: we make our husbands wrong. Nothing they do is ever right.

A good man’s nature is to try to do the things his wife asks him to do, but when they do them, as women we always find fault.

It’s not when I wanted you to do that. Or it’s not how I wanted you to do that.

• it’s not the right way
• It’s not the right color
• It’s not the right shade of the right color
• It’s too high, it’s too low,
• it’s too hot, it’s too cold,
• it’s not enough,
• you’re only doing it because I asked you to do it

That’s how we make them wrong. The things we ask them to do, or the things they try to do for us–we consistently find a way to make them wrong. (00:51)

We always find fault: for example we ask them to go to the grocery store and pick up some laundry detergent and they don’t pick up the right brand and then we make them wrong for that. Or we ask them to help around the house and clean the kitchen or clean the bathroom or the bedroom or wherever and then we find fault in how they clean. Or what they missed.

We make them wrong for gifts and presents. They try to get us something special for our birthdays or an anniversary or Valentine’s Day, and then we’re unenthused by it.  It’s (01:33) not what we really wanted. Or why can’t you get me the things I’ve told you that I wanted. Why did you get me this?

Whether we say that verbally, or it’s written all over our face: You must understand, our husbands can feel it, even if these behaviors I talk about are happening internally.

Ladies they feel it. We’re not so sneaky. We’re a lot more obvious than we realize.

Another example, is we tell them we want more foreplay: That we need more time to get in the mood before sex. So they try to do the things we ask.

And then we say: (02:11) “Well you don’t really know my body!”  Or “You don’t know how to touch me.”  Or “No that’s not what I was asking for.”  Or “You’re only doing this, because I asked you to do it>”

And so we’re constantly sending the message again and again, that they’re wrong!

And nothing they do is ever right.

Or “It is never enough!”

So the natural reaction:

A good man’s natural reaction when we make them wrong is:

• 1. He stops trying.
  2. He withdraws, because nothing he does is ever right.

The second way as women we push our husbands away:

Number two: we are controlling!

• Everything has to be done (02:55) our way.
• Our way is the right way, and the only way.

That sends a constant constant message: That we always know better, and in that, we make our husbands feel incompetent.

We do this in a number of ways:

We can do it when they’re cooking something. They didn’t cut the onion the right way, or the vegetables the right way, or they’re playing with the kids and no well no they don’t like that you have to do it this way and the the problem is we micromanage all of activities making sure it’s done the way we want and what we believe to be right (03:37) that we are right and this is how it needs to be done and in that we are very very controlling and then a good man feels incompetent I like this example you see it all the time when I talk to men or men share in the comments of the videos that I go to work have a very high level job or he’s a business owner and an entrepreneur and very successful and very competent in his line of work in in his career or in his business and they will men will share this with me I feel very competent confident in my job I have do not have (04:19) these issues in my job but I have them in my marriage and it’s because they come home from work and we’re micromanaging them and see them as incapable of being their own person and having their own way of doing things and thinking and what makes sense to them that and so we control them the natural reaction when we control our husbands is that he stops trying and withdrawals because he’s treated like a child and is incompetent to think and act on his own the third way as women that we push our husbands away to withdraw is we do (05:11) not respect our husbands as men meaning we want our husbands to be like us as women we don’t value our husband’s differences as a man and are don’t appreciate him for the things he does as a man like working hard and making a living and trying to provide or wanting a budget or the things he does around the house that are the things he does as a man around the house maybe tending to the yard or the garage and the things he enjoys doing or the upkeep on the cars and the problem is we want a man to think talk and respond like us as women (05:53) and we want them to relate to us emotionally and physically as women that’s why I will often say your husband is not your girlfriend he is a man we criticize them for any of their manly behaviors whether that’s watching sports going out with the guys hunting golf any activity they enjoy as a man we will make wrong or frivolous or something they should grow up and no longer do we also want them to talk in the same ways that we do and maybe even express their feelings and talk about their feelings and we’re not respecting who (06:39) they are as men or we talk in circles and add a lot of details that aren’t necessary I have an example of this this week in my marriage I was uh wanting to share with my husband I got some camping dates changed uh for over the summer and I was adding a lot of story about what the events that led up to that and what it was and it was so Adam goes in a nice way but just can you just tell me what you’re what you want me to know and it was essentially I got the camp dates at our site for Labor Day and it was like great that that’s all I need (07:17) to know but we will just go on and on and add a lot of unnecessary details they’re not a Woman They Don’t Care they don’t need to know that they just want what do I need to know what what are the facts I need to know here so as women when we treat our husbands uh like another woman and and we don’t respect our husbands as a man they’re natural reaction is to stop trying and withdraw because he’s disrespected and not valued as a man and that what he contributes to the relationship as a man is not valued the fourth way as women we push (07:57) our husbands to withdraw we nag our husbands I hear from a lot of women I’m not a nag I’m not a nag I want you to assume you are cuz if you tell yourself you are not and you deny it you will never see it and what I’ve needed to see about myself as a woman is there are covert ways that I nag it’s not always an an overt so you want to Shine the Light to see how am I a nag nagging is constantly reminding them reminding our husbands about the things they are not doing and we can do that in a number of ways it doesn’t have to even be (08:46) overt but constantly reminding them about the things they are not doing and what we want to understand is the more a woman nags the less willing a man is to accomplish the task or request I will I’ll say that again cuz that’s really important the more as women that we nag the less willing a man is to accomplish the task or request that we have of them when are you going to do this you haven’t done this yet and one of the covert ways might do it maybe we ask them to do the dishes in the sink and we go and we stand and we just look (09:21) at the dishes and then maybe walk off in a puff and they see us that’s nagging so we use nagging as a way to prove we can’t count on our husbands to do anything then even more crushing is we’ll say fine I’ll do it myself and then we take over and we do it or the other way that we do that is the silent takeover so I use the dishes example again we ask her husband to do the dishes he needs a little time to decompress and then he’s going to get to it it’s not done on our time when we want it so then we just go over and (10:05) start doing the dishes and our husbands hear us loudly clanking around in the kitchen making our our point you didn’t do this and I needed you to do this so when we nag as women the natural reaction from a good man is he stops trying and withdrawals because it destroys his confidence and he Rebels he Rebels the fifth way that we push our husbands away to withdraw number five we disregard our husband’s feelings we disregard our husband’s feelings when they try to share about what they are feeling and their own experience we make it all about us (11:00) there’s an example from another movie I like with uh Jennifer Aniston uh but it’s Bruce Almighty and he uh Jim Carrey in the scene is talking about his frustrations with his job and his life and Jennifer Inon her character starts crying you’re saying you don’t like our life fine it makes it all about her when he’s just expressing his own feelings of what he’s going through that isn’t about her so uh our husbands will share what they’re feeling and then we turn it on them and make it about us but we turn it on them about what they’re doing to (11:40) cause their feelings and why they shouldn’t feel that way or telling them what they should feel instead and one of our our selfish behaviors and making our husband’s feelings about us is we’re worried about what they are feeling and how that’s going to affect us so in that we have no no empathy cuzz all we can think of is ourselves and we use their feelings against them another way this can come out is our husbands might share their feeling discouraged in their jobs or upset about something going on with their family or with their mother and (12:18) then we well you should look at it this way and we try to paint a silver lining around it and spin it around to be positive and instead of just saying oh I’m sorry that sucks I can I can I can see how you’d feel that way that makes sense but we can’t do that cuz we’re making it about us and how what they’re feeling is going to affect us so we try to get them out of it or cheerlead them out of what they’re feeling instead of just empathizing like yeah I know that place that’s a tough place to be thanks for sharing but we make it all about (12:54) us so when we disregard our husband’s feelings the natural reaction is he stops trying and withdrawals because he is made to feel that his feelings do not matter so those are the the five ways as women we push our husbands away to withdraw”