Venting in your Marriage

What is the end result?

“While it might feel good or even harmless in the moment … this behaviour can actually lead to:

- division,
- deception, and
- even destruction
—Natalie
(Youtube Host)

If you have a conscience and an awareness of God, you should know this is not the result you should being hoping for:

If you originally pursued marriage for the Right Reasons, and you desired to honor God with your marriage vows–and you are involved in this kind of behavior, you are putting yourself in the position of being a foolish person, and your life at risk.

Proverbs 14:1 (KJV)

Every wise woman buildeth her house:
but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands.

Of course the foolish woman does not literally or physically tear down her own house. That would be too obvious and indefensible, and would garner no sympathy. So how would she tear it down?

With her own subtle words, and her own womanly ways, that are very popular in our modern day culture.

Below you will see how Venting and Gossip are quite closely related: Then you will see, how they both contribute to the destruction of the woman’s house (and marriage).

Dec 5, 2024 Grace of Belle Podcast

Today, we’re diving into a topic I see frequently in online forums and real life—wives venting about their husbands. While it might feel good or even harmless in the moment, I’m sharing why this behaviour can actually lead to division, deception, and even destruction in your marriage if we’re not mindful. I’ll also discuss how we can shift our perspective to find true unity and empowerment in our relationships.

I’d love to hear your thoughts and experiences on this topic.

—Natalie

Part 1:

00:00 Introduction
01:38 A Facebook Vent from a Depleted Mother
02:58 Recognizing the Problem with Certain Comments
06:50 Why Words Matter
12:14 My Personal Advice to Her

Part 2:

14:13 Moving Forward with Real Unity and Empowerment
16:30 Is Dad Getting Enough Grace?
19:36 Recognising Marriage Moves Through Seasons
21:01 Recommended Resources and conclusions

Mentions:

The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands by Dr. Laura Schlessinger

Summary

This YouTube video discusses the dangers of venting marital frustrations, particularly online, highlighting how seemingly harmless complaints can escalate into resentment, division, and potentially divorce. The speaker uses a Facebook post example of an overwhelmed mother venting about her husband’s perceived lack of childcare contribution to illustrate how supportive comments can unintentionally fuel negativity and harmful narratives. She emphasizes the importance of guarding one’s heart, choosing constructive communication, and considering one’s own contributions to marital imbalance. The video concludes with advice on fostering a stronger, more balanced partnership, suggesting resources for improving marital relationships.

Highlights

The Power of the Heart: The video emphasizes the profound impact of unchecked negative emotions (anger, resentment) on the trajectory of a marriage, highlighting the verse Proverbs 4:23.
Venting’s Downward Spiral: The speaker argues that online venting, while seemingly cathartic, can create a cycle of negativity, leading to harmful advice and escalating conflict rather than resolution.
Reframing Partnership: The video promotes a balanced view of partnership, acknowledging differences between men and women while advocating for equal value in differing roles. It encourages a shift from focusing on perceived shortcomings to appreciating contributions and seeking mutual understanding.
Humility and Grace: The speaker stresses the importance of humility, self-reflection, and extending grace to one’s spouse, recognizing that everyone approaches challenges differently and learns at their own pace.
Recommended Resources: The video recommends specific books and YouTube channels to further explore and improve marital dynamics.

Venting vs. Gossip

While “venting” is not explicitly mentioned in the Bible, gossip and related behaviors are discussed extensively. Here’s a list of biblical terms and concepts that relate to gossip:

Biblical Terms for Gossip and Related Behaviors

Gossip (Psalm 41:6-7, Romans 1:29) – Refers to speaking ill of others, often behind their backs.
Whisperer (Proverbs 16:28, 18:8) – Someone who shares secrets or negative information quietly.
Talebearer (Proverbs 11:13, 20:19) – A person who reveals secrets or spreads rumors.
Slanderer (Proverbs 16:28) – One who spreads false information to harm someone’s reputation.
Backbiter (Deuteronomy 1:27, Psalm 101:5) – Refers to speaking negatively about someone behind their back.
Busybody (1 Timothy 5:13) – Someone who interferes in others’ affairs, often by spreading gossip.
Tattler (1 Timothy 5:13, KJV) – Similar to a talebearer, someone who inappropriately reveals secrets.
Murmurer (Deuteronomy 1:27) – One who complains or grumbles, which can lead to gossip.

Biblical Verses Addressing Gossip

Proverbs 11:13: A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy person keeps a secret.
Proverbs 16:28: A perverse person stirs up conflict, and a gossip separates close friends.
Proverbs 18:8: The words of a gossip are like choice morsels; they go down to the inmost parts.
Proverbs 20:19: A gossip betrays confidence; so avoid anyone who talks too much.
Leviticus 19:16: Do not go about spreading slander among your people.
Romans 1:29: Gossip is listed alongside other serious sins.
1 Timothy 5:13: Warns against young widows becoming idlers and gossips.
James 1:26: Those who do not control their tongues deceive themselves, and their religion is worthless.
Psalm 101:5: Whoever secretly slanders his neighbor will be destroyed by God.