MARRIAGE:

A DIVINE PLAN

 

The Divine Plan is so simple even a wholly illiterate man or woman can successfully learn, know, and follow it–all the days of their lives.

It’s mostly the modern, over educated, wealthy, selfish, and carnally minded people: that have the greatest problem with it.

 

Matthew 19:4-6 (KJV)

Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, 5 And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? 6 Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.

 

Get ready for a wild ride in today’s Message on Marriage … 

 

 

 

 

Summary of “God’s Plan for Marriage | The Happy Wife School Show Ep. 63”

 

1. Marriage as Personal Growth (05:10 – 08:59)
   • Marriage is not about fulfilling each other’s needs but about individual growth.
   • Codependency in marriage can lead to emotional voids and unhappiness.
2. Purpose of Marriage (08:59 – 10:28)
   • Challenges in marriage help individuals evolve into their best selves.
   • Marriage should be about growth and learning rather than dependency.
3. Codependency & Victim Mentality (10:28 – 15:46)
   • Dependence on a spouse to meet all needs leads to victimhood and limits personal growth.
   • We should: Encourage individuals to take responsibility for their happiness.
4. Addressing Criticism & Gender Roles (17:07 – 24:11)
   • Responds to criticism that the show focuses too much on women’s role in marriage.
   • Emphasizes that individuals can only change themselves, not their spouse.
5. Sexless Marriages & Withholding Intimacy (29:24 – 35:23)
   • Discusses the issue of women withholding sex in marriage and its societal perceptions.
   • Notes that good men struggle with infidelity due to their morals and values.
6. Victim Mindset in Marriage (39:54 – 44:37)
   • Women who blame their husbands for their unhappiness often withhold affection as punishment.
   • Encourage inner self-awareness and accountability rather than external blame.
7. Finding a Healthy Relationship (45:48 – 47:41)
   • Discusses how to find a good partner and create a healthy relationship.
   • Personal growth and overcoming past weaknesses are key to a strong marriage.
8. Final Q&A & Closing Remarks (48:58 – 52:39)
   • Answers viewer questions on reward-punishment dynamics in marriage.
   • Thanks viewers for their support and encourages self-reflection in relationships.

 

 

 

Criticism & Gender Roles in Marriage (17:07 – 22:36)

In this section, the host responds to a comment criticizing her for focusing too much on women’s responsibilities in marriage while seemingly ignoring men’s faults. The comment, which expressed frustration with her content, asked:

 

“Why are you always bashing the wife?
Every video is about: What the female is doing wrong.
What about the husband’s part?”

 

Host’s Response:

1. Self-Improvement vs. Blame
   • The host clarifies that the purpose of her content is not to “bash” women but to encourage personal accountability.
   • She explains that individuals, whether men or women, can only control their own actions, not their spouse’s.
   • Focusing on what you can change (rather than blaming your partner) leads to a healthier marriage.
2. The Power Women Hold in Marriage
   • She argues that women have significant influence in shaping the relationship dynamic.
   • When a wife takes responsibility for her actions and improves herself, a “good man” will naturally re-engage in the marriage.
   • She recounts a past student from her men’s course who experienced a transformation in his marriage after his wife simply started treating him with kindness and respect.
3. Challenging Traditional Counseling Approaches
   • The host critiques traditional marriage counseling, saying it often focuses on what both spouses need to change, which she believes can create a cycle of blame.
   • She emphasizes that real change happens when an individual focuses on their own growth rather than expecting their partner to change first.
4. Not an Attack on Women
   • The host defends her approach by stating that she includes herself in the lessons she teaches.
   • Her advice is based on personal experiences and over a decade of helping women improve their marriages.
   • Her goal is to empower women to break free from “camp victim,” where they blame their husbands for their unhappiness instead of addressing their own behaviors.

Key Takeaways:

• Marriage works best when both partners take personal responsibility rather than blaming each other.
• Women, in particular, have a strong ability to shift the relationship dynamic through self-awareness and growth.
• The host’s goal is to uplift women by helping them recognize their own power in creating a fulfilling marriage.

 

 

 

Deeper Focus on: Codependency & Victim Mentality

 

Codependency & Victim Mentality (10:28 – 15:46)

In this section, the host discusses how codependency and a victim mentality can negatively impact marriages. She emphasizes the importance of self-accountability and breaking free from unhealthy relationship patterns.

1. What is Codependency in Marriage?

• The host defines codependency as an unhealthy emotional reliance on one’s spouse.
• In a codependent marriage, one partner’s happiness and sense of self-worth depend entirely on the other’s actions and validation.
• This often leads to controlling behaviors, excessive people-pleasing, and resentment when expectations aren’t met.

2. Signs of Codependency in Marriage:

• Feeling responsible for your spouse’s emotions or behavior.
• Sacrificing personal well-being or identity to keep the peace.
• Expecting your partner to “fix” your unhappiness.
• Becoming resentful when your spouse does not meet your emotional needs in the way you expect.

3. How the Victim Mentality Shows Up in Marriage

• The host explains that many people fall into a “victim mentality,” where they blame their spouse for all their struggles.
• A person with a victim mindset may say things like:
  • “I would be happy if only my husband would change.”
  • “My marriage is failing because he doesn’t appreciate me.”
  • “I have no choice but to be miserable because of the way he treats me.”
• This mindset leads to feelings of powerlessness, resentment, and an inability to take control of one’s own happiness.

4. Breaking Free from Codependency & the Victim Mentality

• The host encourages women to take ownership of their emotional well-being instead of expecting their husbands to “make them happy.”
• She highlights the importance of:
  • Self-awareness – Recognizing unhealthy thought patterns.
  • Emotional independence – Finding joy and fulfillment outside of the marriage.
  • Taking personal responsibility – Focusing on what you can change rather than waiting for your spouse to change.
• She reassures listeners that when one person shifts their mindset and behaviors, it often influences the marriage in a positive way.

Key Takeaways:

• Codependency can create unrealistic expectations and resentment in marriage.
• A victim mentality keeps individuals stuck in negative cycles, blaming their spouse instead of taking action.
• True marital growth happens when each partner takes responsibility for their own emotions and well-being.

 

 

Deeper Focus, 6 steps on: Breaking Free from Codependency

 

Breaking Free from Codependency 

The host emphasizes that overcoming codependency and a victim mentality requires intentional self-work, emotional maturity, and a shift in mindset. She encourages listeners to take ownership of their happiness and stop looking to their spouse to fulfill all their emotional needs. Here’s how she suggests breaking free from these unhealthy patterns:

1. Develop Self-Awareness

• The first step to change is recognizing the signs of codependency and victim mentality in your own life.
• Ask yourself:
  • Do I feel responsible for my spouse’s emotions?
  • Do I believe my happiness depends on how my spouse treats me?
  • Do I often feel powerless or blame my partner for my struggles?
• The host stresses the importance of self-reflection and challenging limiting beliefs that keep you stuck in unhealthy patterns.

2. Build Emotional Independence

• Instead of relying on your spouse for validation, fulfillment, or happiness, focus on:
  • Developing personal interests and passions outside of the marriage.
  • Strengthening friendships and support networks to avoid emotional over-reliance on your partner.
  • Practicing self-care and setting personal goals that bring fulfillment.
• The host reassures listeners that when one partner becomes more emotionally self-sufficient, it often improves the overall dynamic of the marriage.

3. Take Radical Responsibility for Your Happiness

• She encourages a mindset shift from “I’m stuck in this situation” to “I have the power to change my reality.”
• Instead of waiting for your spouse to change, focus on what you can control:
  • Your attitude
  • Your reactions
  • Your personal growth
• This doesn’t mean tolerating bad behavior but recognizing where you have power and choice.

4. Stop Playing the Blame Game

• A victim mentality keeps people trapped in resentment and helplessness.
• Instead of focusing on what your partner is doing wrong, shift to:
  • Self-inquiry – What role am I playing in this dynamic?
  • Solution-oriented thinking – How can I respond differently?
  • Healthy communication – Expressing needs in a constructive way instead of through blame or passive-aggressiveness.

5. Set Healthy Boundaries

• The host discusses how boundaries help break codependent patterns.
• Boundaries are about what you will and won’t tolerate, not about controlling your spouse.
• Example: Instead of saying, “You need to stop making me feel bad,” say, “I won’t continue conversations when I feel disrespected.”

6. Shift to a Growth Mindset

• Relationships thrive when both partners focus on personal development instead of trying to “fix” each other.
• The host suggests:
  • Reading books on emotional resilience and self-worth.
  • Seeking therapy or coaching to work through deep-seated patterns.
  • Practicing gratitude to shift focus from what’s missing to what’s working.

Final Takeaway

• Breaking free from codependency and victim mentality isn’t about dismissing your spouse’s role in the marriage—it’s about owning your part and stepping into your personal power.
• When one person changes, the entire relationship dynamic shifts.
• True happiness in marriage comes from two whole individuals choosing to support and love each other—not from emotional dependency.

 

 

 

Title: “God’s Plan for Marriage | The Happy Wife School Show Ep. 63”

Transcript: “(00:00)

Welcome to the Happy Wife School Show thank you for your patience as I was getting on we have a last minute change as you might have noticed in the title uh in in the thumbnail uh and I made a joke with my mentor before I hopped on that I’m a woman and I can change my mind when I want uh but just teasing no I’ve uh I’m coming uh or how do I say it i’m I’m getting over uh a bug that I had this week so I’m not feeling uh my best or on on top of things so I changed the topic which was going sex and I just wasn’t there this morning so we changed it last minute to do a Q&A uh I got some great (01:22) questions out of the comments this morning to be able to answer so that’s where we’re going today uh please let me know in the chat that you can hear me see me everything’s coming through all right and then uh a couple reminders uh if you like to listen to the Happy Wife School Show uh these Saturday shows on uh podcast and in podcast format please go follow the Happy Wife School at uh Josie Warren’s YouTube channel Beyond Remission a new era of permanent healing you can find the link to her channel in the description of this video and all my videos but if you or someone you love or (02:38) know struggles with autoimmune or chronic illness Josie teaches people how to resolve chronic illnesses and autoimmune diseases by working on the emotional state and she has uh incredible things to say and teach and an incredible course for people to be able to heal and outgrow their chron g uh the live show and are here to to grow and learn and listen to uh the things that I have to say and to teach both women and good men so and also a big thank you to Phil and Steve for keeping the chat a great place to be today phil’s going to send me questions (03:50) at the end so I will take some more questions at the end of this Q&A uh but with that being said let’s let’s get into it so I decided to title today’s live God’s plan for marriage because as I was going through some of these que question which will really set us up in that direction and the question is so you’re saying and this is from a woman so you’re saying that a husband isn’t supposed to want to be there for his wife so what is a marriage for then that’s the question so you’re saying that a husband isn’t supposed to want to be there for his wife so what is a marriage for then and where this is (05:10) question where this question is coming from is one of my very first videos on the channel um and it’s something ab ide the same back to you and we can come together and have a happy marriage what that actually creates is a codependency where we become imshed in each other and we’re dependent on each other to fulfill those needs and desires within us and if the part if the spouse doesn’t then we feel an emptiness and a void and so I actually teach both women and men that we have to learn to provide the very things that we wanted our spouse to provide we have to learn to provide (06:39) those things to ourselv ) marriage how I define and describe the purpose of a marriage is that it is to use the challenges and issues that come up in a marriage and through life in a marriage to grow and learn and evolve and become the best versions of ourselves and the reason for that is that a marriage brings out our shortcomings it brings out our flaws and it brings out the worst in us especially for us as women when we feel that our husbands are not meeting our needs and our our wants and desires in a relationship marriage to overcome the shortcomings and flaws and (08:59) the worst of us that gets brought out it makes marriage a very purposeful place to be because we’re evolving into the best versions of ourselves and getting to do that with another person and sharing in that journey together and evolving and growing together which is actually what creates the dance that I talk about where we can be in the dance of marriage as our own whole individual persons and coming together to move through the chall other person to provide the things that we are unwilling to provide ourselves when we are codependent on another person to provide the very (10:28) things we do not provide ourselves we limit ourselves and we create a a gap and holes and a void within ourselves that we depend on another person to fill and when they don’t we live in camp victim blaming another for our experience rendering us powerless and playing small and living way beneath our potential of who we are we can only be our best whe d in the relationship and all the things that he needs to change if you happen to find a a good counselor who also holds women accountable then it’s more of the same what she needs to be doing or what she (12:21) needs to change and then what he needs to be doing and what he needs to change to make the marriage work and that is a codependency so I’m going to get off into a little e es esoteric of a topic here and talk a little bit about the matrix and darkness and light so I believe and I would and continuing to grow and evolve as a society and a culture and as people and that the the purpose of darkness is to stomp out and destroy our humanness so what better way to destroy ourselves than to buy into the matrix of marriage which is codependency (14:16) which doesn’t allow for a healthy relationship between a man and a woman that what we experience in marriage now and and part of why I’m here and what I teach this is as I’ve said before a prom marriage channel i know I have plenty of of marriage to restore God’s plan for it so that we fight for the light and the light can prevail and marriage can be what it is meant to be so it’s not about getting our needs met by another it’s about growing and learning together in a marriage and sharing those journeys together to bring out the worst in us so that we can overcome that and (15:46) evolve and become the best versions of ourselves and that’s that’s what I believe marriage is for and how we overcome the darkness that has infilt next question now which will the first question set us up to continue to go in that direction of marriage being a place for us to grow and learn about ourselves and and evolve into the best version of who we are both as women and as men so the second question uh that I want to answer starts off with I can’t stand this lady WTF what about the husband’s part why are you always bashing the wife every video is about what the female is (17:07) doing wrong so to answer this question and and and thank into the marriage that destroy it and destroy ourselves and destroy another person because we have so much power and control we have all the power and control for a marriage to go really well when we are married to a good man and at the end of every video that I do on Saturdays I always give a solution to women and a solution to good men because the only person we ever have any control to change whether we are a woman or a man is ourselves and that’s why I have a course for men to be able to wor ine to women and a lifeline to wives because what we (19:21) can’t see when we are trapped in what I talk about and can’t victim we have no ability to see ourselves in the behaviors and pa behaviors and patterns we are bringing into the relationship that are causing the problems if we stay in camp victim as women we are trapped miserable destroying ourselves and destroying another person which there in also if you’re a mother destroying your kids so this channel is a lifeline to women for those unhealthy behaviors and we can’t change the reason we can’t change is because we have put the blame and responsibility outside of us for our issues and (21:13) problems yet without being able to see that we go around in circles watch ourselves live out the same unhealthy behaviors and beat ourselves up there in feeling wrong i did a a video on this a full live on this a couple weeks ago why good men are made to feel wrong in their marriages so you might go check that out to get a more in-depth ou and women and them and the patterns they have that would be bashing women and making women wrong i include myself because everything that I teach is an expression of what I have learned through my own marriage and my own (22:36) experience of life as a woman and have been helping women with for a decade now or a little a little over a decade now the other piece I want to talk about in this of what about the husband’s part what we have to understand as women when you are married to a good man n and it is not too far gone and he hasn’t given up a good man re-engages in the relationship very quickly as his wife begins to take accountability and just be nice i’ll never forget one of the first students I ever had um in the men’s course that I teach And this was about seven or eight years ago and he we had this is when I taught (24:11) the course live now it’s a a self-guided course that is an online course but I used to teach all my courses live in one-on-one sessions and we were wrappin ted nicely and just teaching women your husband deserves to be treated nicely and you will feel so much better about yourself when you can treat him nicely and when you treat him nicely it’s a reflection of you and the work you’ve done on yourself to be a good wife and feel really good about who you are in that and that then you and your husband can come together and have a dance and work through the challenges together and (25:42) have a loving intimate relationship that’s the result and fascin n what I teach the psychology of relationships that the only person I can change is myself and my marriage is a reflection of me and what I’m bringing into the relationship which makes us accountable and allows us to live in camp take responsibility which allows us to grow into the best version of ourselves so all the channel is is to pull women out of camp victim not to bash women not to make women wrong but to actually lift us up so we can get out of our own darkness and into our light and bri destroy the institutions that allow our society and the structures that (27:57) allow our society to thrive i think that’s all I have to say on that question on to the next the next question a little bit of a wild card in what we’re talking about but I really liked it so we’re going to answer this where did it go how long so this is the the last question I’ll answer from the questions I came up with before the show and then I’ll head over to the chat how long does a man have to tolerate being to if a wife says to her husband “I don’t want to have sex with you andor a wife is withholding sex and a man is in a sexless marriage which (29:24) until I started the channel um and the men that write into me and the men that I speak with and even the women I speak with who admit to being shut down to sex it is so much more than I ever could have imagined but when a wife says “I don’t want to have sex with you,” and is withholding sex it’s logical and reasonable that a man going outside a marriag ad get a girlfriend or a mistress. (30:44) ” Because then it takes the burden off of me but our society does not accept or want to know and understand that women consciously withhold sex and weaponize sex our culture and society does not want to know and is led to believe otherwise that a woman consciously withholds sex and consciously weaponizes sex against men because we live in a women centered society or another word for that is gyocentric our society believes that if a woman is withholding talks to me see what he did to me and then a good man buys into that gaslighting and says “I did do those things i must be the problem (32:25) and that’s the trap and matrix they live in and then society perpetuates that with things like the Me Too movement and grouping all men into that are there men who abuse their power yes but it’s certainly not the majority it’s a very small percentage and then we buy into things like #believe all women and that’s the society that we live in so no one wants tled to leave and go search for our happiness happiness elsewhere with no basis of argument to really go do that when we’re married to a good man but a good man does have morals and values that he also often has religious (33:58) values and morals and a structure within that guiding him and the reality is a good man generally won’t go outside the marriage because if he did he would feel guilty and bad about himself because he knows he’s going against his own morals and values and good men tend t or if they do live in an inner turmoil of remorse and regret for their decision because they weren’t true to themselves and then not to mention what else I talk about that it’s part of a woman’s strategy to get her husband to cheat and go outside the marriage and push him to that point so that he does (35:23) the unthinkable and the worst betrayal he could do to her so that she has that as the ammo and weapon that he can she can use against him of why the marriage didn’t work or why now she’s en about so I hope those were interesting to you um and I always have fun answering these so uh if you like the video please give it a like and consider subscribing if you haven’t if you thought there were parts of this video that could help others please um please send those uh to the people you know that they can help and I’m going to head over to the chat uh and then Phil’s (36:35) going to send me send me some questions oh Steve I saw your comment i love being on this team well I really love h re for you and be the best he can be they deserve it and the more you give the better you’ll feel about yourself and the more he’ll want to go get the moon and stars and lay him at your feet so thanks for that comment Mike um all right thank you Phil all right Phil’s sending over some questions um just seeing if there’s any yeah interesting comment Marlin two wrongs don’t make a right and I assume you’re talking about in in sex correct i don’t know how to fix it meaning the the (38:01) sexlessne of what he has to accept in the (38:38) choice that he is making and then to use that experience in his marriage to strengthen him in his weaknesses and still be the best he can be because it makes him feel good about himself and to accept and navigate the reality of the marriage that his wife is disengaged from sex to know it’s not his fault or anything that he did that she is disengaged but that that is the reality and that it is his choice to stay so how does he navigate that and do the best sibility for that choice and understanding it’s a a very sad reality of a lot of marriages out there but there is a way for good men to (39:54) navigate it and become strong in themselves and not be a victim to what their wives are are doing in in the marriage should they choose to stay so thank you for that comment and then I’m gonna head over to the questions that Phil sent over thank you Phil all right waiting for it to open up my computer has chosen to to freeze here we go um h not sure abou I know and and what I believe is that it is our own responsibility to get to heaven it is our own responsibility to get to heaven and the the road map to that and what I believe and practice is being the best (41:45) version of me that I can be and when I show up as the best version of me and the best version that I can be that those in my life benefit from that whether they ever recognize that or appreciate that or not I can’t do it for them i have to do it for me because of who I want to be a tegrity and recommmit and and and course correct and live in integrity that that’s my path to heaven and that I can’t control anyone else’s fate in that direction that it’s an individual journey and and that’s what I believe uh in my my relationship and understanding of God and and going to (43:06) heaven so thank you for that question some interesting areas to venture into today uh that are are different and new for me um yeah not sure on that um someone asked a a question on the biblical coven victim her motivation is to do the exact opposite so how you approach the situation is to see the reality of your wife and that this is another way of her withholding what is important to you in the relationship and understanding that you can have tough conversations to address it but there is no she will only change if she wants to change and she wants to see how she is (44:37) showing up there is nothing that you can do to make her change or get her to change other than addressing the issue se I asked if you ever counseledled a truly happy woman you said no is it even worth having a relationship at all so based on what I talked about today yes and I want to remind you that and everyone that the issues I talk about on the channel we have on a spectrum as women and so I have an episode uh in the live streams or on podcast on the podcast version of how to find a good woman and so you want to find a woman on the low end of the (45:48) spectrum where you will be able to have that dance um rength within yourself and that gives you the best chance then to have a dance so if one if a man chooses after going through a marriage or through a relationship with a woman that it’s not important to him any longer to try to have a healthy relationship with a woman and that’s not his priority in his life then that’s good for him to know because then he can focus his prior focus his energy into what is important to him in his life but I like to use my mentor as an example that after a divorce mentor Peggy and they’ve been together for a little over 15 years now I believe um (47:41) but that was really important to him and he knew he had to overcome his weaknesses that allowed him to be emasculated and and led to an unhealthy marriage an unhealthy relationship with a woman so it’s it again comes down to your values and priorities what’s important to you what what do you want to continue getting back up and and learning and growing from that you want to prioritize in your life and if y ion um why does it seem sometimes and and thank you very much for your contribution as well uh why does it seem sometimes that wives assign a reward punishment system for (48:58) their affection if they are feeling like their man needs to be punished in her eyes she withholds sex and affection that’s that’s a woman way is our withholding uh that we put our experience of ourselves in our husband’s hands so we blame our husbands for our unhappiness for our experience of the relationship and one of d it is a punishment it is exactly that and it stems from living in camp victim putting the power and control outside of us over our experience that then we feel entitled to withhold affection to withhold love um to withhold respect and (50:14) fun and kindness and appreciation all the things that are a making of of a good relationship we feel entitled to withhold them and and living in camp victim and blaming our husbands for our unhappiness and and that’s exactly what you are experiencing and it a really long time ago but thank you very much uh for your contribution i appreciate that um seeing something over here um thank you guys very much or Cinemage thank you very much for your your contributions um I’m not sure how to answer the question on on why a wife who expresses her (51:30) husband should only cheat with him or I’m sorry sleep with him if she’s drinking alcohol um there could be multiple reasons for that i’m not sure which angle I would I would take with that but it’s like be it thanks so much for being here in the chat um and supporting the channel and and being here on your Saturdays i appreciate it very much and I’ll see you guys next Saturday we’ll see where I’m at i might do that the topic I had planned for today so thanks again for your flexibility and I hope everybody has a lovely nice safe weekend and I’ll see (52:39) you next time bye”