Christian Marriage Advice
NO ONE Wants to Hear!

 

• How to shift into God’s design for marriage.
• Stop speaking death over your husband.
• Stop expecting him to read your mind. 
• Stop expecting him to know what you want. 
  (You often don’t know that. And your mind is constantly changing.)

Ladies, are you unknowingly pushing your husband away?

In today’s episode, we’re diving deep into the hidden habits that create disconnection, resentment, and emotional distance in marriage.

My Rise Up Queens Christian marriage coaches are joining me to share the powerful breakthroughs that have transformed their marriages through faith, communication, and emotional healing.

 

We’re exposing the biggest mistakes wives make.
And then:  How to shift into God’s design for marriage, including:

1. How speaking death over your husband is breaking your connection.
2. Why expecting him to read your mind leads to frustration.
3. The role of pride and self-righteousness in disconnection.
4. How to validate your husband’s emotions without losing your own voice.
5. Why your husband is NOT meant to be your source of security or self-worth.

 

2,926 views Premiered Mar 21, 2025

#GodlyMarriage

#ChristianMarriage

#MarriageAdvice

 

If you’re longing for deeper intimacy, trust, and oneness in your marriage, this conversation is for you.

You do not have to stay stuck in the same patterns—there is a way to build a strong, Christ-centered marriage that thrives.

 

Chapters:

1. 0:00 – Introduction – What’s hurting your marriage?
2. 0:13 – Welcome to Rise Up Queens – Helping women step into the freedom Christ died for
3. 0:38 – What’s NOT working in your marriage – The hidden causes of disconnection
   1. 1:03 – Speaking death over your husband – How constant criticism is destroying intimacy
   2. 2:19 – Expecting your husband to be just like you – The trap of self-righteousness
   3. 3:02 – Dehumanizing your husband – How invalidation breaks trust
   4. 4:37 – Can you see his pain? – The danger of prioritizing “being right” over love
   5. 5:18 – Why your feelings keep getting bigger – The need for emotional validation
   6. 6:16 – Your husband is NOT the enemy – Overcoming resentment in marriage
   7. 6:50 – Your husband is not your source of security – Finding safety in God, not your spouse
   8. 7:09 – Expecting him to read your mind – The communication breakdown every wife must fix
   9. 8:10 – The guessing game is destroying your marriage – Why clear communication is key
   10. 9:07 – Are you blocking your husband from loving you? – The fear of being fully seen
4. 9:50 – Invitation to Rise Up Kings & Queens – Transform your marriage with us.

 

Subscribe for more Christian marriage wisdom. Share this with a wife who needs this message. #ChristianMarriage #MarriageAdvice #FaithBasedMarriage #RiseUpQueens #GodlyMarriage #HealthyMarriage #CommunicationInMarriage #EmotionalIntimacy More information about the Rise Up Queens experience can be found at https://www.riseupqueens.com. Don’t forget to like and subscribe. For my latest video on How Culture is Deceiving Alpha Females, go here:  • Christian Marriage Podcast: How Socie…. Learn more about the Rise Up Kings 3-Day Experience for Christian Businessmen at https://www.riseupkings.com/event.

Above content from: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x7UWrpfR-8w

 

Title: “The Christian Marriage Advice NO ONE Wants to Hear!”

Transcript: “(00:00)

“Of course he’s failing, right? There’s no one who could do it right.

I don’t even do it [RIGHT] all the time. (But I don’t remember those times.)

I do remember his times  of not doing it. As such, I create disconnection. That is just how ineffective our relationship really was …”

 

“Welcome my name is Jessica Lewis, I’m the founder of rise up queens where I help women step into the freedom that Christ died for.

Here on this channel you will find many topics on physical intimacy, porn, and working through that in your marriage communication triggers, and so much more. (00:31)

I hope you dive in with me and subscribe and create the best marriage you possibly can with your spouse right now.

So in today’s video we’re going to talk about some ways that don’t work in your marriage.

Things that are causing disconnection and fighting that don’t necessarily have to so.

I have a beautiful panel of our rise up queens coaches who have radically transformed their marriage and their relationships by choosing different ways of being, that they didn’t even know were possible before.

One of the things coming up for (01:03) me is that:

I used to speak death over Kyle every single day without realizing it.

I criticized everything that he did or I had a comment or something to judge or improve.

I created an environment where I was insistent: that he’d be like me.  

• It made him feel like a failure.
• it made him feel like he couldn’t show up and
• He couldn’t meet my standards and my expectations.

Eventually it just deflated him.

So the big shift for me was: Realizing that God created us United, and gave me the unique and individual ability to speak life into him in a way (01:47) that can change him.

And I could be an example of Jesus’s light in his life: Just by shifting my words.

Shifting the way I spoke to him.

I stopped tearing him down.

I was able to build him up.

It brings to light that I’m sure when you think about your husband you have different giftings.

I also used to think Skylar was supposed to be just like me:  

• Like he should argue like me 
• he should raise the kids like me
• he should put them to bed like me
• he should load the dishwasher like me
• he should do everything like me

And I didn’t realize (02:18) that was for me pride and self-righteousness.

Right? and then I brought that pride and self-righteousness with this perfectionist standard and of course he’s failing, right?

But, there’s no one could do it.

I don’t even do it right all the time.

• But I don’t remember those times, when I don’t do it right.
• But I could quickly remember all the times he would not do it right according to my standard and that would create big disconnection.

[My Pride and prejudice and micromanaging was hypocritical] and just plainly ineffective at building a lasting deep marriage bond in our relationship.

That was really beautifully said. Yeah 100%, I resonate with all of that.

One thing that really has come up for me after going through my first rise up queens event:
I  found the language for it, and it was dehumanizing. I dehumanized BJ, like I was the master of invalidating his experiences.

Since through my journey in rise up queens I’ve learned to validate my own experiences like I was projecting that on him and so since I’ve learned how to validate my own experiences my own feelings my own emotions, [in order to] be present with myself.

I can now sit with him and I can see him as a human. I can validate what he’s experiencing.

 

[the sentences is below still need editing and punctuation]

 

and sometimes literally like it’s not easy every day (03:23) right sometimes it’s literally like we’re in a heated conversation and he’s telling me how he feels and I want to immediately like respond but no this is what’s happening for me and I literally like okay take a deep breath what is he saying and like it could that actually be true for him does he actually feel disrespected or whatever it is that he’s expressing to me and okay yes I can see why you would feel that way and sometimes that means I tell him I see why you how you can feel that way and my body is still reacting my nervous system (03:59) is still wants fight so like I need a minute like just give me the time to like get myself back to a neutral place when you think about your upbringing and your husband’s upbringing they are two completely different things and so you’re going to have two completely different sets of trigger patterns and so what doesn’t feel like disrespect to one person will feel like disrespect to another person and can you see past your own being right long enough to see that there might be a hurting person sitting in front front of you or are you so (04:32) focused on but I’m right about this and this is what’s going on and you shouldn’t feel that and that’s not right or what christe just modeled well is okay you know what I just because you have something different doesn’t mean I’m wrong because it’s not even about right and wrong right it’s just about what’s happening our perception of what’s happening and I don’t know about you but sometimes feelings are big sometimes and then once I feel hurt in them they’re not so big anymore but I just want to know that it’s okay to have (05:01) feelings and that I’m allowed and you and you can validate them cuz when they don’t for me I get I get bigger I’m like oh you’re not going to believe me let’s fight about this then like I’m going to hold this and so that was beautiful and man I might not feel that way don’t say that right I might not feel that way but how could that possibly be going on for them like can you turn your chair enough to sit from their perspective and from there once people feel heard resolution can come about but until that it’s just (05:29) not possible yeah what’s been so pivotal for me is to like I said be able to validate my own experiences so we can go back and forth like I need you to hear me right but now I’ve grown to a point where I’m like okay I I’m okay I can feel this and I don’t need him to agree or validate what I’m experiencing and I can sit and see this other person across from me whereas before he was not a not even a human to me he was I don’t even know it was like obstacle or yeah something to fight against MH yeah he was enemy to provide (06:04) safety for myself right it wasn’t even about him it was about me needing safety for myself and since I’ve learned how to do that for myself I can show up in relationship and I can see him as another human being so powerful because I used to look for safety outside of me I used to look for am I lovable am I enough I used to look for all of that in Skyler and because he’s imperfect of course I wouldn’t get it all the time and then I would blame him but that’s not his job job that’s the Lord’s job and that’s my job right it’s just not (06:34) it’s not his it’s so interesting that you say that because like I was just sitting here thinking and I was like that was me like Robert had to know everything about me right like he had to know my heart he had to understand my feelings and I wouldn’t communicate them with them I was just like you know them right and so like that was like the biggest transformation in me and then in our marriage was being able to like say hey this is how I feel whether you want to validated or not this is how I feel and then for him to just like have his (07:04) own opinion but even more than that like him to show up for me then like right because I wasn’t even allowing him to show up for me because I wasn’t expressing what I needed what I really wanted in our relationship it was just like this guessing game for him like I mean I remember like just hearing all the time I don’t know what you want you’re just making me guess right and I’m like I I would get so frustrated at that because I was like you do know you’ve married to me we like we do everything together right you should (07:32) know my ins and outs and yet he’s not in my brain and I change every day right like so like something I liked yesterday I might not like today and I’m not saying that to him and so like I just I was sitting there thinking when Christy was talking and she was like you know he can have his own feelings and I was like but I was so wrapped up in mine and keeping them quiet like I didn’t even let him have his feelings because I was but then I wasn’t even communicating so he couldn’t even like Express that back to me so if you’re still in a place (08:00) where you’re expecting your husband to read your mind bubble burster they’re going to get it wrong right and often times what I found I don’t know if this was true for you is most women that expect their husbands to read their mind they don’t even take the time to know what they want like you supposed to know but like wait but what do you want well I don’t know right I haven’t thought about it yet somehow this male man completely different creature being right I mean he’s a human right but like they have different wants needs and (08:28) desires As We Know they’re different and so giving yourself permission to say those things out loud is so powerful and and recognizing that you were giving him something that wasn’t his to have it was yours and it also helped me to be fully known like right like I was hiding something from him I was keeping something from him the ability to fully know me right and even like the ugly part of me he got to see that and know that and then I could be like I could allow him to love me in that and be like I am lovable I am (09:00) enough even though in this moment I feel ugly so if you feel ugly or can relate to any of those things I know I can we’d love for you to join us rise up King Queens kings and queens is a transformational event and so I’d love to personally work with you in creating the best marriage full of passion connection and Oneness that’s possible and if you’re like well I don’t know that that’s possible yes come because I am 100% certain it is so I’d love to see you there”

 

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